DEATH BATTLE

Episode 11: The Doctor vs Sakuya Izayoi

Doctor Who vs. Touhou! Two never-aging masters of time will square off. Who will run out of time? The wanderer on the TARDIS, or Scarlet Devil Mansion's mysterious maid?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wiz: Time is one of the most powerful forces known to man. And those who can control time, or move through it, may just prove to be nigh-unstoppable.

Boomstick: Like the Doctor, the wandering Time Lord with many faces!

Wiz: And Sakuya Izayoi, the maid of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Take note, we will only be using information on Sakuya that's 100% accurate, because there are many theories surrounding her. Also, we will be using the eleventh incarnation of the Doctor.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

THE DOCTOR

Wiz: Long, long ago, in the planet Gallifrey, a race that had immense power and the ability to move in time flourished. They were known as the Time Lords.

Boomstick: Uuuuntil some dude in a wacky suit killed them all to save them from the predicament of being slaves to these robot dildo thingies. Said dude also went on adventures through time and space.

Wiz: Unfortunately, not much of his backstory is known to anyone but himself, only his expenditures.

Boomstick: Like saving multiple worlds and single-handedly stopping entire invasive species! This was all done by a man of ever-changing faces and suits. But somehow his spaceship still looks the same.

Wiz: He is the savior of the cosmos. He is the oncoming storm. His name is simply the Doctor.

Boomstick: ...Doctor who?

Wiz: He doesn't go by a name. Just the Doctor.

Boomstick: Yeah, Doctor who?

Wiz: He chose to abandon his name and go by the Doctor because--

Boomstick: DOCTOR WHO?!

Wiz: JUST THE DOCTOR!

Boomstick: JUST ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION! DOC. TOR. WHO?!?

*Technical Difficulties: Please Stand By*

Boomstick: Well, people, I guess I was wrong again. He actually simply goes by "The Doctor". But I bet he didn't even get an actual doctorate.

Wiz: Well, oddly, he actually has more than one doctorate across his incarnations.

Boomstick: GOD DAMN IT!

Wiz: And one incarnation of his actually has a Ph.D for cheesemaking.

Boomstick: That's stupid!

Wiz: At least it's not as lame as "poultry science"!

Boomstick: Hey, I worked hard to earn that doctorate!

Wiz: Yeah, so did the Doctor for his.

Boomstick: ...Point taken. Aaaanyway, the Doctor decided it was high time for him to go adventuring through time and space. And what did he do to accomplish this, you ask? Oh, nothing big, he just KIFED A TIME MACHINE!

Wiz: However, the people in charge decided to dismiss this theft as irrelevant because they thought that that TARDIS was obsolete or something. You'd think that with all the technological advancements in Gallifrey, they'd afford better security than that.