Brutally Honest Reviews™

A Witch's Way

UPDATE: The author has changed the cover since the review.

Word Count:1028

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Title: A Witch's Way

Genre: Fantasy

Summary: There exists another world, similar to Earth. That world is brimming with the stories that children are told by their parents, and those stories are filled with the whimsical tales of witches, wizards, and spirits.

Those stories tell of the land of Esrar. However, two rival cities--Lostrona, the shining capital, and Felport, a run-down city standing in the shadows--are quickly losing peace. Leaders of Esrar, commonly known as the 'Elemental Six', are racing around trying to find a solution before Felport gives them any more catastrophes. They claim they won't stop until Lostrona--or Felport itself--is destroyed.

At the same time, Serena is living on Earth, blissfully unaware of the impending tensions in Esrar. Until she meets Jasper, who sees her perform magic. Unable to erase his memories, she takes him to the Six, discovering that he's more important than they both realize--fueling an unknown envy inside of Serena.

Serena is now tasked with teaching Jasper magic, but what happens if she lets her petty jealousy get in the way?

Status: Completed

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Starting Points: 30

Cover: It's disappointing. I don't like it at all really. It seems more like the cover for a Chick-Lit or a corny romance. I'd suggest finding someone who cares for your wellbeing to give you a better suiting cover. (-5)

Title (new): It's okay, I'm pretty neutral about it. It isn't bad though, so no points lost.

Summary: Eh..............

It started off good, but then you lost me.

(Quick suggestion: However, two opposite cities are quickly losing control. Lostrona, the shining capital, and Felport, the run-down city enveloped in shadows.)

You're giving up far too much information to the reader, and I kind of got whiplash. It's a bit much for the reader to take in, and it may push readers away from your story. I know this is a fantasy, and world-building is difficult as it is, but this is extra. I was getting intrigued by this Esrar (nice name by the way) place, and then you just popped in a random girl named Serena who's jealous of this dude who turns out to be really important?

Okay?

It's obvious this is going to be a pretty big element/conflict in the story. However, her envy could have been revealed in the actual story, not the summary. Now the readers expect their relationship to be a certain way, when they should be shown it instead. There was already a conflict at hand, this one could have been shown as the chapters progressed. Anyway, that whole last part either should be taken out or be re-worded. It didn't flow as I'm thinking you imagined it did. It came off as an info-dump. (-5)

Plot: I think the plot is interesting and seems strong enough, also it's a Fantasy. 

*Rubs hands together*

I'm ready.

Opening thoughts:

-Bad start. That imagery didn't sit well with me. Re-wording it will save lives. (-3)

-This whole conversation is making me cringe. Watching you sneak character's names, and their positions after they say something is probably the most funniest/interesting thing going on. I'm currently imagining a raccoon strategically placing cans in a spotless driveway, then running off with a evil smirk.