Brutally Honest Reviews™

Records of Mercy (N)

Word Count: 4067

Title: Records of Mercy

Genre: Teen Fiction

Blurb: Fifteen, almost sixteen, year old, Marlee Stoklosa, never imagined that the day her best friend died would come so soon. Mercy is dead and now Marlee is standing in front of everyone at her funeral reading the letters that Mercy wrote specifically for this occasion.

Marlee knew Mercy was going to die, everyone did, but you can never fully prepare yourself when someone dies. This journey is hard for everyone, but will Marlee be able to get through the service without a hitch?

Status: Completed

~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: It's so plain that it makes the act of blinking physically tiring. I guess as a positive note though it does give off a tone and fits the according genre...but at this point I feel like saying the latter for this certain genre is a backhanded compliment trying hard not to be one. *Audience blinks*

-What? It is deadass just an image with words on it. (-2)

Title: It's fine, maybe better in context, but fine as is. It has a ring to it.

Blurb: *Leans forward*

*Leans back* 

-This isn't a bad blurb, it's actually quite decent and does establish the main characters, the conflict, setting, and provides a serviceable hook, BUT, yes there's a butt here, the plot is so... bland? Yes, I think that's the word for this, maybe sparse too. Now this can obviously be boiled down to subjective, but it's used as a "get away free" card too often. I can't shake off the feeling that if perhaps the conflict gives me more hardy material I'll be more willing to take the bait to truly want to read this. 

-For instance, if we the readers know the possible stakes in Marlee failing to give Mercy a proper eulogy this will make for a far more worthy read (e.g. strict parents, fear of failure, fear of the supernatural/upsetting the dead and/or the whole town has some foot in this because it doesn't only affect Marlee *whispers* and the town is secretly in a cult that somehow has to do with this, she has a longstanding phobia w/ public speaking). Though, I'm probably just being harsh since it's really the execution that can save a basic idea from fizzling into a dud. A basic idea doesn't mean a story will be boring but seeing one on Wattpad raises more red flags for me rather than aspire confidence. 

-Correction: Fifteen, almost sixteen[-]year old, Marlee Stoklosa, never imagined that the day her best friend died would come so soon.

-Small hitch, but try to keep blurbs with little to no errors as possible. 

-Overall, I'm taking off a point since this fails to make me want to read it. (-1)

Plot: A funeral (semi) told through letters. *Gargles a groan in my throat*

Opening thoughts:

-So, ayo! —The opening line is a pile of sand: {I vaguely hear my name being called.} This isn't great guys, it's not even good...it's simply there, just how sand is. Pointless, takes up space, ruins lives—these similarities speak for themselves folks. Anyway, its first fault is making the decision to distance the narrative away from the readers by the narrator telling the readers what they are experiencing rather than showing it. 

-In this case, starting out showing the audience that the main character's detachment from the activities going around her is a better route to get the reader's to 1) empathize with her and her line of thinking (do not rely on the readers possibly already being aware on how attending a funeral for a loved one feels) and 2) ground her relationship (or her possible lack thereof) with the environment.