Brutally Honest Reviews™

Born to Die

***Disclaimer*** Anyone whose first language isn't English, please don't feel bad because your grammar isn't excellent! It's okay! Everyone learns at their own pace, so don't beat your self up about it.

UPDATE: The author has changed the cover since the review.

Word Count: 1601

Title: Born to Die

Genre: Fantasy

Blurb:

     Creatures known as The Kira roam the earth hidden from human eyes. They appear to be human but they are far from it, they have powers. Powers that humans only dream of, powers that are used to spread evil and sadness throughout the world. The Kira want to see the world burn and they will stop at nothing to make sure it does, but then Brianna came along and ruined everything.

   Without even trying...

    ************

    Brianna Manel (better known as Brie) is a sophomore in her local high school and her life is as good as it gets:

    · Family & Friends

    · Popularity

    · Good grades

    · And a wonderful boyfriend

    But Brie's 'good life' quickly falls to pieces at the arrival of Keith Lamit. The new mysterious bad boy, who brings along a big secret that he dumps all over Brie.

    A secret that should have stayed hidden...

    A secret that shouldn't even exist.

Status: Ongoing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: I don't like it. It clearly isn't ugly, but it just seems too...common? It doesn't stand out, and I already wouldn't pick it up because of that. Also, it doesn't fit the Fantasy genre in anyway. It looks like a chick-lit cover. (-1)

Title: Ehhh... (Judging from the title alone) it seems like the character will be depressed, or they're cursed. The latter wouldn't be bad, that would actually be interesting, I can't say the same for the other option though. No points taken off, I'm just being picky.

Summary: I hate summaries with two parts. Just pick one, the second one usually ruins the summary as a whole, and yours did just that. I would get rid of the second part. All the second one did is make me withdraw from the story, however, I'm still pushing on so hopefully it gets better. (-4)

Plot: Kiarar creatures who have powers, and shit, come to take over the world, but that meddling Brianna Manel had to come and ruin everything (my interest has been ignited)-

*Future me interrupts once again*

I have no idea where this story is going.

Opening thoughts:

-Oh god, it's in second person. Then, it goes into first person....

*An atomic bomb explodes and steals the lives of millions*

WHY??

-Note to everyone: second person should never be used unless someone is reading a pamphlet/guide of some sort, a speech, or is talking to another character in the story. In some rare cases, authors/writers have been able to pull it off. However, in most, it is a recipe for disaster. Stay away from the demon.