Brutally Honest Reviews™

His Demons (N)

Word Count: 2727

UPDATE: The author has changed the cover and title (obvs) since the review.

Title: His Demons

Genre: Mystery/Thriller

Blurb:

He walks into school in jumpers that hide his colourful bruises and broken bones and excuses that conceal the voices in his head and the screams he hear.

She was the queen of the school as she walked with her head held above the sea of society's flaws she doesn't realise she has drowned in.

With her father's betrayal and his father's abuse - they are forced to work together as they both live their troubled lives and soon they won't be worrying about a mere project but something or someone far more dangerous.

[semi auto-biographical]

Status: Ongoing

~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: Looks like a Tumblr fanfic cover from 2012. (-1)

Title:

-Again, corny Tumblr fanfic vibes. Can we all collectively move past the incessant referring to "issues" as demons? It's stale and is cringe-worthy at this point.I may or maybe not being extra, but it always makes me think that people are giving their internal issues (or mental health problems) an external paranormal force that's wreaking havoc on their lives when it's an actual internal "force" and has nothing to with the paranormal. It almost helps stigmatize mental health and/or flaws by demonizing them. Or I may just be finding things to complain about for the willy-nilly, who knows! (-1)

Blurb:

-So, the first two sentences of this summary is introducing the main characters (what's their names? Who knows, and fuck you for asking!) of the story and its not written terribly, but it does come off corny (like everything else at the moment, though fret not! I haven't begun reading yet). And I despise corniness. It seems to be some religious practice on here and I see it constantly in romance, general fiction (whatever that even means), teen fiction, or anything meant to pull at the easiest heartstrings. Also, it's distracting that these two sentences are written in present and then past. Are these stories in two different timelines or something? Actually, throw out the last two sentences I just typed because the tenses are jacked up entirely.

-Anyway, there's a subtle line between "too vague" and "just enough" when it comes to the information given in a summary. Maybe this is a simplistic plot with not much to be a chatterbox about or there's not enough meat given to make this blurb work as well as it could. I won't complain about this much because this summary doesn't really deserve the drag so I'll save my rants for putrid blurbs to come! (*Audience cheers*) This one I'll give a semi-pass because I'm still taking points for its lacking. *Audience boos*

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, bite me. (-3)

Plot: Outcast boy that's abused by his shitty "dad", and popular girl going through some type of existential crisis has to work on some class project has to like...run from a boogie man of a sort? Literally given the bare minimum, and is kind of nonsensical. That can't be good.

*Looks into the camera like I'm in The Office*

Opening thoughts:

-The first chapter is a prologue and it's a dream sequence. I understand why people hate both.  I know none of this really matters because it isn't happening in reality (so it's essentially a waste of time and is only jacking itself instead of putting the key into the ignition--and it's unfortunate to everyone) it's melodramatic, and the second "[blood] dripped over his bulging eyeballs ad slid over his teeth which were white and perfect" appeared I just laughed. Okay fine, my mouth twitched but I'm pretty sure its suppose to be a smile. (-3)