Brutally Honest Reviews™

Candy Pop Corpse (OT)

Word Count: 2186

UPDATES: The cover has changed since the review.

Title: Candy Pop Corpse

Genre: Horror

Blurb:

It's Hell on Earth for mankind when the dead start crawling back to life. Despite the chaos, orphaned siblings Jack and Lulu stuck together. When they're cornered by death, however, Jack shows just how thin his blood is by abandoning Lulu to a pack of hungry corpses.

Once they dine 'n dash, Lulu doesn't rest in peace. In fact, she awakens as one of the undead. So she sets one goal for herself: hunt down Jack and take him out for a bite. But when Lulu's one-track mind joins forces with her junk food addiction, the sweet-toothed zombie gets a little distracted along the way.

Status: Ongoing

~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: I really didn't like this at first, but after seeing it so many times over the past month it's grown on me, like mold. *Grimaces*

-It's cute, but I wouldn't pick it up per se. It just isn't my taste. Really, what's important is whats inside! *Does heart sign with my knobby fingers*. Anyway. No points lost.

Title: I have no idea what this means. I still wonder why this is a section that exists in these reviews. There is nothing for me to ever say unless the title is a one-word title and/or it's shit. No points lost, it has caught my attention, but only because I'm confused so don't get too cocky, Spicy. *Narrows my beady eyes at my laptop screen because, lord, is it bright!*

Blurb: Hm. Yeah, besides from a few grammatical errors, this is pretty straight. Interesting, even. Not surprising, which is annoying. The blurb is doing its job. Thank god.

Plot: A (seemingly) nice twist on the boring zombie genre with a more focused revenge mashed, with a gluttony-ridden revenge plot between two siblings. Sounds good-ish!

Opening thoughts:

-"...undead--" (-2)

-I'm tired of seeing this word in every zombie apocalypse ever. Not even TWO sentences in and I've already seen this atrocity. Challenge yourselves to refrain from using that piece of-- it isn't that serious, but still. The word "undead" and I have a long-winded backstory. Please don't ask. I'm sweating just thinking about it. Anyway, the use of this word is even more puzzling when you remember that this is written in the first person. Like, who the hell says "undead" before they call them "zombies", especially when they're right in front of them about to get devoured by said creatures? This should be in inconsistencies, but this is for real just the first paragraph. I didn't expect that, even though I should have.

*Reads the rest of the chapter in silence* *Is shook*

-Yo. This is...horrible. *Mouth is agape* (-3)

Characters:

-Jack. Our lovely antagonist in this book! He also happens to be the protagonist's sister. Oooh, a twist! And that's where it ends. Okay, I'm kind of being untruthful since he actually made me pause from reading because I was a bit taken aback by his horrendous dialogue. After my little stupor fizzled into the back of my throat (along with my vomit--kidding! I'm being dramatic) that's when my smile of amusement came. It wasn't even a laugh this time because it wasn't that mind-boggling bad, no, just embarrassing. The type of embarrassing that doesn't make your skin crawl but makes you giggle in your head. He's an actual Disney Channel villain. No wait, he's actually Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb. Still, he somehow is the only positive thing that happened. Dear god.