Brutally Honest Reviews™

🌟Force Field

UPDATE: The author has changed the cover since the review.

Word Count: 1505

Title: Force Field Babe

Genre: Humor

Blurb: HOW A SIMPLE DIET COKE CHANGES FATE -- or, when Dustin Ortiz gains enough common sense to man up and face humiliation with dignity. Even if it involves powerful girls and scientifically-disproven.

Status: Ongoing

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Starting Points: 30

Cover: It's so cute! Really, even though it's just a really cute girl on a simple cover, I still like it. Since this is a humor novel, I think the light-hearted feel to it fits. No points off here.

Title: I don't really like it. Maybe because the word "babe" makes my skin crawl, and it is genuinely one of the ugliest words to exist. "C*unt" and "moist" are grouped in the ugly words list as well. (-1)

Summary: .......

I have no idea what this is supposed to be. I had to read it three times to even grasp a solid idea on what this story was even going to be about. The tags sort of helped, but I am still lost. This summary doesn't make me want to read on. Summaries should at least be a paragraph (five through seven sentences) long. Short ones only make people judge the book and your effort, and other turtles like myself. You can find help with summaries in the Improve Your Writing threads, or from myself. If I'm feeling up for it, of course. (-4)

Plot: Sexist dude gets his ass beat by female boxers?

*Future me is summoned* I was wrong as hell, but this isn't my fault. It's the writers.

Opening thoughts:

-Okay so the first chapter is an epigraph that really could have just been the summary... Also, this chapter's title should have been "Extended Summary" or simply "Why Don't I Love Myself" instead. The only thing on this chapter that is in fact an epigraph, is the quote. (-3)

-Y'all, Google what something is before putting it in your story. I have been guilty of doing this as well. It happens to the best of us.

-Okay, reading the summary that should be where the summary is placed, this story sounds pretty cute. So, you have quickly redeemed yourself from the letdown summary that is the first thing a reader sees, but you didn't redeem any points because that isn't a thing.

-I'm really mad because you wouldn't had lost any points on your title if the summary that you put in the epigraph chapter was the actual summary! Please love yourself man. I'm taking off points off because of how ridiculous that decision was. (-2)

-Your narration, in my opinion, is close to perfection. *Narrows eyes*

-Italicize Dustin's thoughts: Maybe, he hopes. (-1)

Character:

-I really love that you made your female lead Asian, and that she isn't a stereotypical depiction of an Asian girl. Thank you! *Eyes blurs with tears* I would give a point, but we all know that will never happen anywhere near this book.

-Moving on. *Wipes tears*

-Also, another bonus is that the male lead isn't a raging testosterone machine whose masculinity is fragile as shit! *Dances*

-I spoke too soon, there is an annoying bully that is overly violent. *Crowd boos*

-Okay, a bit of a character analysis from mwah: Dustin is broke as fuck. A geek that has a shitty self-esteem. Very extra. It is kind of coming off annoying, but still admirable. Has a crush on a girl who is, of course, out of his league. Reminds me a great deal of Gordo from Lizzie Maguire, which is great. He is Spanish. I would kind of dance for this, but that doesn't necessarily mean he isn't white. But at least he is from a different culture, so yay a diverse main cast!