Brutally Honest Reviews™

The Beginning of a New Life

Note: Unrelated to the review, but sorry for the wait to everyone waiting for a review! I'm going to start getting my shit together, for real. I'm not a ain't shit boyfriend, I promise! *Sweats*

Word count: 1679

Title: The Beginning of a New Life

Genre: Action (It's a Tom Cruise fanfiction...sort of)

Blurb: Catherine is the kind of girl that doesn't know how exquisitely outstanding she is. Even though she is a prodigy, she decides to conceal this from everyone she meets and including her closest family and friends. What she created was supposed to help people like the police, FBI, and CIA. Unfortunately instead she got involved with the wrong people and now every killer and special agent want her dead.

Trusting people isn't an option. She'd fallen into that trap one too many times. The trust would only result in abduction or close calls with death.

When Catherine is driven against the wall, she has no choice but to let herself trust again and call a mysterious number left in her mailbox. "Call this # (630) 555-8596 if you want all your problems to go away."

Status: Ongoing

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Starting Points: 30

Cover: *Sighs*

I don't really think this warrants a response because it's quite simply, terrible. And I kind of think you did it on your own to the best of your abilities, which is admirable--but you shouldn't have. A better route would have been searching the multimedia threads for an efficient graphic designer. Most people wouldn't click on this. Neither would I. I won't take off points though because you tried.

Blurb:

-Okay.

-So, this is probably the worst summary I've reviewed so far. It's confusing, a bit disoriented, there is not even one hook provided, it's far too vague, and I'm still not sure what this story's direction is or what it's about. It seems like the author wrote this only to get an idea on what they wanted to write about, but for themselves. This is like a rough draft of cliche ideas strewn together to make a story.

-Cliche #1: Main female protagonist whose insecure and "doesn't know how extraordinary she is"? Check!

-Cliche #2: Relatable aspects for readers to lap up? Check!

-Cliche #3: Random, vaguely-worded throw-ins of "the plot" that doesn't make any sense? Check!

-Cliche #4: A main protagonist that has trust issues? Check!

-Cliche #5: "What she created was supposed to help people like the police, FBI, and CIA."

*Stares into the camera*--Check!

-Vague and random sentences that don't elaborate on anything, and are beginning to anger me? Check!

-Cliche#5: "Every killer and agent" wants main protagonist dead storyline? Check!

-Anyway, my biggest gripe with this summary is that, sure, there are a bunch of words on the screen, but I'm underwhelmed. (And that is an understatement.)

-Don't get me wrong, it's great you've got something down! You've got to start somewhere right?

-But that is the problem: You've got something down. That's it. None of it is connecting with the other in a relevant way. It's all falling flat and it isn't cohesive. Either your story will be the same way and you need to do some serious rewriting (and planning), or you need to find someone capable of summing up the plot of your story effectively. Or...you know, learn how to do it yourself. That's always great as well.
(-10)