Darkiplier Smuts

Happy Birthday! (Dark x Reader)

I'm taking...well, dragging Dark out of the house to get him drunk. It's his...well, call it his birthday. It's the day he was created in the demon realm...he's turning 26 thousand years old and he's never gotten completely drunk before. He's a bit skittish and aloof when it comes to crowds and people in general...definitely not a real touchy-feely kind of guy. Regardless, once I heard Dark had never gotten drunk I decided I HAD to take him out for his birthday. "(Y/N), come on." God, he was so impatient. "I'm coming. I just called an Uber." "What's wrong with your car?" "Driving drunk is a crime, Dark." Dark just rolled his eyes. "Well hurry up. Let's get this over with." I pinched Dark's cheek. "Don't be such a downer," I said. Dark didn't look convinced. "Look, we'll go out, and if you don't like it, we can hit a liquor store and come right back." Dark sighed reluctantly. "Alright,let's go." Dark lit a cigarette on the front porch while we waited for the Uber. "I hope you have plenty of those." "Why?" "Drinking makes a lot of people want to smoke. Drinking makes me want to smoke." Dark shot me a glance. "A goody two shoes like you?" I slugged his shoulder. "I only smoke if I'm drinking." Dark smiled. "I have another pack in my shirt." Our ride pulled up and we both jammed into the backseat. He dropped us off in downtown LA. I could see the annoyance growing in Dark. "It's fine, Dark. Most of these people don't give a fuck about you or me." "I get it, I'm just no social butterfly. I value my alone time...my solitude." "Just go into that bar." I said pointing. Dark sighed and got in line behind the others. We entered and I immediately opened a tab. I knew that Dark didn't know anything about alcohol so I ordered a wide variety of drinks. He tasted a few beers and was not impressed. "People do this for fun. Really?" he said, flatly. "Try a shot of vodka, Dark." I said, passing him a glass. He tipped his head back and swallowed the whole shot. He made a face and cleared his throat. "Strong...it burns my stomach." "Want another?" I asked, waving a shot glass. "Sure, why not?" he said, accepting the glass, throwing his head back, and swallowing the second shot. So Dark likes vodka, interesting. "Try this one." I said, shoving a margarita under his nose. "What is it?" "It's called a margarita. Come on, take a sip." Dark took a sip. "Not bad." he said. He was starting to get tipsy. "I've gotta go smoke. Come with me." I followed him out to the sidewalk. We both smoked a cigarette and went back inside. "What do you want, Dark?" Dark thought about it. "A few more shots of vodka. I could get used to drinking that." I ordered them. I watched Dark pour all three down this throat effortlessly. He giggled maniacally. Apparently drunk Dark gets very happy. "Have a beer." I said, handing Dark a Corona. "They taste better when you're wasted." Dark chugged it. I laughed. "Slow down, Dark. You're gonna make yourself sick, hon." Dark leaned over the bar. "Bartender, two shots of tequila." he said. I hated tequila by itself, but if Dark wanted to do shots of tequila, tequila it was. The bartender plopped two shots of tequila down on the bar. Dark eagerly slammed his and I gingerly sucked on mine. The taste was so bitter! Dark looked at me. "(Y/N) this is awesome. You're awesome." he said, drunkenly flinging his arm around me. I giggled. "You are so shitfaced." I said, pushing on him to help keep him on the barstool. "Come on, let's go smoke...and walk around." I bit my lip. I wasn't so sure he was going to be able to keep his balance walking, but I followed. We strolled through an alley. "Here seems like a good spot." he said, turning to face me. He tossed his cigarette into a puddle and pulled mine from my mouth. "What are you doing?" I said a bit irritated that he had just tossed my cigarette. He pressed his lips to mine, tugging on my shirt, trying so hard to embrace me. I leaned back against the brick wall and let him fall onto me. Dark giggled. "I feel so weird." he said. "Yes, hon, you're extremely drunk." I said, holding him up. "Not too drunk to fuck." He said. Strangely enough, that felt so right. Fucking Dark in an alley on his birthday...while drunk. Dark pulled his pants off and unzipped my skirt, letting it fall to the ground. "Wrap your legs around me, girl." he said, smiling. I jumped up and he leaned up against me, pushing me into the wall. It took some adjusting but the two of us managed to get into the perfect position. Dark staggered and stumbled under my weight. "Maybe we should lay down." I suggested. I was afraid of being dropped. "Sounds good, I don't really care." Dark laughed. I laid down on the ground and let Dark drunkenly crawl on top of me. I wrapped my legs around him and I felt him stuff his hard manhood into me. "God yes!" Dark moaned, thrusting into me sloppily. I tipped my hips up and rested my hands behind my head. "God, Dark, I don't know who taught you how to fuck but you are so fucking good!" I panted. Dark focused on my g-spot. "I'm gonna get that good." he muttered, slamming into me. "Fuck me!" I cried, bucking my hips. "Fuck! I'm gonna cum!" Dark moaned, easing up on me a bit. I felt my walls squeeze him tightly and heard him moan in response. We both finished at the same time. We laughed. "That was an adventure." I said, standing up and brushing the dirt off of me. I stepped back into my skirt. Dark giggled. "I'm glad you dragged me out here. Check off 'alley' as a place I've fucked in." For the first time in forever, Dark was lighthearted and smiley. He stepped into his pants. "Feel like another round?" "Of shots, or sex?" Dark thought about it. "The night is young...why not both?"