Lost In Stereo {Sequel To LINLYAA}

Chapter Twenty Three-Put It Down Darlin'

T E L L I E

I had never, honest to god, felt so worthless in my life. I was sitting alone, just staring at the wall across from me the sound of music echoing loudly from the whole arena. I didn't care though. I was fine sitting alone with my thoughts. A bit.

I tried to push most of them from my mind. Nothing seemed to work though, no matter what I did. So the thoughts echoed loudly in my head. I told myself I was worthless. That I was useless. That I was nothing but a neglected girl who deserved to be alone how I was. I looked at my wrists admiring the scars.

I deserved them all. And plenty more.

I wanted to die. I knew that much. The blood in my wrist pulsed hard and thick and it only made me want to cut into it more. I screeched in pain as I fell from my seat, holding tightly to my pulsing wrist. I needed to cut into it. I knew that.

I wanted to die. I knew it then and there as I screed in agony hoping nobody would hear.

***

It felt like I was watching myself rummage through the hotel bathroom at night, dad and the boys on the other side of the door, desperately trying to find something sharp. Whether it was to use to cut my wrists or to pry open the window to climb out I didn't know.

Was this really me?

Searching desperately for an easy way out of my problems? Had I actually come to this? Cut or runway? Cutting was a temporary relief. For a minute or two I would feel everything vanish, but then it was be back and I would have to cut again. If I ran away i'd be away from it all forever. For the rest of my life.

Had I come down to this?

Yes. I definitely had.

I grabbed a strange glass bowl looking thing from a draw under the sink swiftly smashing it on the bench top not even guarding myself as shards of glass scattered themselves along the crystal clear bench and the tiled floor.

Cut. Not pry. Cut.

I pulled down my white sleeve, holding the sharpest glass shard I could find in my hand over my scared wrist. I'd waited so long to do this. All day actually. And no one could ruin it. I looked up at the door gulping before looking back down at my wrist. The chances of anyone walking in here were slim, yet still five percent remained that someone would walk in. But I need to cut.

It was inches away from my skin. I could feel the blood pounding fast in my wrist. My hands shook and I could feel my eyes watering.

"Put it down."

I snapped my head up, my eyes widening as dad entered the bathroom closing the door behind him.

Fuck.

"You don't wanna do that love." Dad pressed softly. It was hard to tell whether he was plain annoyed or shocked, really he seemed like both. His eyes were slightly narrowed at me, but glistened with complete shock and hurt.

It's not like he cares about you any way...

"How would you know?" I snapped holding back the urge to scream. "If I didn't want to do it I wouldn't be here..."

"Because I know you don't want to-"

"You didn't even notice!" I shouted. "For months you never noticed anything was happening! Don't pretend you know anything about how I feel..."

"Tellie, put the glass down." He continued. "I know you want to."

"No you don't." I shot back, tears swelling in my eyes. "You hardly know me at all. You say you do but you don't. You never even knew I cut 'til a couple if weeks ago! You can pretend you know but you don't!"