Lost In Stereo {Sequel To LINLYAA}

Chapter Twenty Seven-Pulvis Et Umbra Sumus

"Pulvis et umbra sumus." -Horace, Odes.

L O U I S

I remembered the first day Tellie said she hated me like it was yesterday. She was only eight, but the way she'd said it so full of hatred had honestly haunted me. And now right beside that memory was Tellie yesterday saying she wished she wasn't my daughter.

I don't know which was worse, thinking of Tellie at eight saying she hated me or Tellie at thirteen saying she wished she wasn't my daughter. It amazed how she had the same expression on her face both times. The same glare of pure hatred.

And it was because of me.

"Louis,"

I snapped out of my thoughts looking to Liam.

"Louise, asked me to give this to you, to give to Tellie." Liam continued as he dropped a plastic bag on the table.

"What is it?" I asked, spinning my spoon around the now empty bowl.

"Yeah you probably don't wanna know..." Liam admitted.

"I wanna know I'm giving to my child."

"It's like tampons or something... And razors or whatever."

"Razors?" The word cut through my throat like knifes. I could hardly comprehend Tellie cutting, it shocked me, it dazed me, it confused me to the point I'd spent hours trying to figure out what possibly could've come over her in the first place. Tellie never gave off the vibe of being that kind of girl, so I never worried that she'd be sucked into a world or razors and scars. Sure when I heard some of the songs she listened to I'd feared it, but I wasn't going to let her music taste define what I thought she was and wasn't capable of.

"Yeah doesn't Tellie-" Liam stopped dead his face filling with realisation. He got it now. "Well I guess we can take them out..." He muttered going over to the plastic bag that had been curled from being handled. It stung me to think she'd actually gone to the extreme of asking my stylist to get her razors, she actually thought it would work. She said she didn't want to cut yet this was what she did and there was nothing stopping me from confronting her about it. This was my daughter, and I wouldn't stand by it. Never in a million years.

"I swear to god Tellie does this stuff just for me to find out..." I trailed off shaking my head.

"What did I do...?"

I looked up, watching as Tellie came out of one of the rooms, her eyes wide as she looked from me to Liam. She wrapped her hands in her jumper, kept her hair down, and didn't say anything else. It was strange looking at her, looking at the resemblance she had to me. She had my eyes, pretty much most if my facial features but nothing stopped the parts of Phoebe shinning through her. Right now she gave me the same confused look I'd seen painted along Phoebe's face years ago.

Speak of the devil.

"Why's Lou giving you razors?" I asked narrowing my eyes. I wasn't annoyed at her, I was beyond annoyed. I was terrified about what other lengths she would go and pissed off at how stupid she was. I knew I should be supportive and try to help her, but I couldn't keep my anger in and yelling at her had always been a way to make sure she understood. I hated that being my tactic, but she listened better under fear.

"Lou?"

"Yeah, our stylist. Why the fuck is she giving you razors?"

"I... Uh..."

"I think I might leave now..." Liam muttered. "This is more a family matter I think..."

I watched as Liam left the hotel room through the front door, then turning to Tellie I clenched my jaw. I wanted her to say something, I wanted her to explain what had given her this crazy idea and why she assumed she could get away with it. But she did nothing but look everywhere in the room but to me.