So... this chapter should help explain some things for you guys. It gives a lot of insight as to why Taylor is the way she is. This one was probably the hardest chapter for me to write. And if you thought the last chapter was a mess... you're in for quite a ride.
I hope you guys like it!
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"Will you be my girlfriend?"
Taylor's eyes widen as she quickly sits up, her back resting against the arm of the couch, her legs still draped across the model's lap. Her mind feels like it has been completely wiped clean; definitely not anticipating the question. Those 5 words continue bouncing off the walls in her seemingly empty head, echoing and repeating themselves.
She supposes it isn't really all that surprising, given the fact that she and Karlie have continuously gotten closer and more comfortable around each other. But she was at a complete loss for words; her mind waging an internal war as she struggled to form a line of coherent thoughts.
In all honesty, the question should make her incredibly happy. The girls have been slowly building up to this point, getting more familiar with each other with every passing date. She knows that Karlie is an incredible person. That was pretty obvious to her moments after they met. The blonde is more than aware of the incredibly strong feelings she has for the model, and she knows on some level, Karlie feels the same. But that's where she finds herself torn.
Karlie is absolutely amazing.
But Taylor?
She knew she was a complete mess. So many things flash to the forefront of her mind, blinding her as they start coming faster and stronger than ever. The most gut-wrenching heartbreaking moments of her life playing before her like a slideshow.
Her previous failed relationships; the screaming, the fighting, always feeling like she would never be enough, like she didn't deserve happiness. The hardships she faced in the beginning of her career; being told she would never have what it takes, that she just wasn't good enough. The bullies from her childhood; the mocking and teasing she got for wanting to chase her dream. The heartbreak she felt when the kids blew her off and made plans of their own and excluded her.
Sure, most of those things had nothing to do with Karlie. But that wasn't the problem. The problem was that those memories still haunt her on a regular basis, always lingering at the back of her mind. Those feelings and memories breaking her down to the core, stripping her bare, permanently scarring her. She was damaged goods; broken beyond repair. And that's why she couldn't do this. She would never want to bring Karlie into this mess. No one should have to put up with that.
Karlie sat there quietly, observing Taylor's face for any signs of what the girl was thinking. The silence had been stretching on for minutes now, practically suffocating. She could see a storm of emotions swirling in those blue eyes, but she didn't know what to do. She had never seen Taylor like this, and she had no idea what to say or if she should say anything.
As the silence continued, Karlie started overthinking, worrying she asked a question the girl clearly wasn't ready for. At the sight of tears building in the corners of those normally bright blue eyes, Karlie knew she had to do something. The silence was too much, and she needed to know what Taylor was thinking.
"Taylor?" She croaks out, her voice laced thickly with emotion.
The blonde snaps out of her thoughts at the shakiness of Karlie's voice, locking onto green eyes. Her own eyes widen, seeing the fear and vulnerability in them.
