Losing Kim Taehyung

ten

You'll always be my favorite hello

————————

I spent the Friday night and the whole Saturday with Sungjae and his family. His mom was too overjoyed to see me, and made sure I was comfortable in their abode. We watched some horror movies with his family in the living room that Friday night, and he kept whispering to me that he wished Sooyoung was next to him, so he wouldn't be scared. I only rolled my eyes, thinking that if she was here or not, he'd still scream like a baby girl.

Then, I slept on his bed while he slept on that huge couch inside his room. Sungjae's bed was maybe twice as huge as my bed at home, so I really had a good night sleep. But before we slept, we played his video games and sneaked out of the house every 2 AM for two consecutive nights after—morning rather, just to eat in an fast-food chain with almost no customers. We walked along the dim empty streets with only a few lamp posts lighting our way. We felt free in those nights. Laughing, running and not giving a shit about the world. That was freedom.

My mom had to pick me up on a Sunday morning. My mom and Sungjae's mom talked for a bit while enjoying their own cup of black coffee. After having a brief talk, I thanked them, and then left with my mom. She looked too tired that day as if she haven't slept. Good thing, our house was just near Sungjae's. If not, we might die because of a car accident if she'd continue driving. I really don't have an idea how to drive, so I can't actually pull it over or whatever, and save us from dying.

When weekdays came, I didn't know if I'd be happy to see Taehyung again or not. To be honest, I felt betrayed. Sort of. I know it sounded weird, and I didn't have the right to felt that way, but if I'd sum up all the emotions I was feeling, that would describe it. Betrayal.

It was just that, Taehyung meant the world to me ever since the beginning while for him, I was nothing but just a girl who kept giving him pastel-colored sticky notes after every class. And I wish I could've mean anything to him more than that. If I'm too worthless for him, I might not actually mean anything to him.

Still hoping, maybe he would see me as the girl he kissed in the bathtub? I laughed at that thought to myself. Nah, you wish! He already forgot all about it.

It was already Wednesday when he came back to school. Girls looked forward to see him again as they kept stealing glances at the boy. We didn't say hi to each other that morning—like there was new about it, but we usually talked whenever we see each other; today was an exception. It just felt different. Maybe, only to myself but not for him.

I haven't even give him his recorded answer sheet in Trigonometry. I only got to look at him when he entered the room. Betrayal seemed to be what I was supposed to feel, but when I saw him (even with the shortest glance), it was already replaced with affection and astonishment, like he was the most precious and perfect thing there was.

During lunch break, I joined Yeri and the others for lunch. I didn't know who was with him or with Byunghun. I haven't see the two of them in the cafeteria. When I finished my lunch, I walked to class ten minutes earlier before the bell rang for first period. As I finally reached the corridor, I saw Taehyung talking to someone over the phone. He looked too serious and seemed to be frustrated. I took a quick glance at him before I enter the room.

Taehyung's voice almost turned into a whisper when I got near, "I'm okay. You don't need to worry." He said through his phone. The tone in his voice wasn't the one he usually used—it was a bit sensual, alluring.