Don't Try To Make Me Smile!// [#Wattys2016]

38: Little Excuse!

*Hits next*

I groan as I hear Taylor Swift's Blank Space' blast through my ears through my headphones. I hit next again and another song came again from her 1989 album. I hit next one more time and another one of her break up songs started playing into my ears.

"What the hell!" I groaned in frustration as I threw my phone at the other side of the bed and watched bounced softly, nearly falling off the bed.

Why the hell was I hearing Taylor Swift's songs playing through my phone, I was definitely not a Swiftie.

Yes, because last night you downloaded a whole playlist of breakup songs to reminisce your break up.

"Seriously?" I said to myself as I recalled the painful events of last night. Forcing my mind to skip the part when Eric told me he didn't love me anymore.

That hurt, still hurts, will always hurt and I don't know if I'll ever be okay.

I remembered Nathan taking me home after consoling me and I didn't say a word to him about what transpired between Eric and I. He didn't push either because he must've gotten the message that things got worse from the way I cried. I've never cried like that before, I felt totally shattered and smashed from the whole ordeal and I really wanted to disappear from everything and everyone.

I sneaked into my room last night through the window, because I didn't want anyone to start asking me questions about why I cried and all those annoying stuff. So right now they probably think I never came back home last night, which is good because I didn't want to go to school this Friday.

The apple ringtone suddenly started playing loudly and I jolted my head up from my knees that were pressed against my chest. I saw Tyler's name clearly displayed on the screen and I waited for it to finish ringing because I didn't want to pick up and I didn't want to make it obvious that I was ignoring his call by putting it off.

I was going to send a quick text to him when my eyes caught Eric's name in the messaging app, and unconsciously I clicked on it. I felt a mixture of anger, pain and self pity as I went through our previous messages, and I could almost feel tears well up in my eyes.

Why did he break up with me suddenly?

I got so angry at the fact that I didn't have an answer to that simple question. Then why the hell am I doing this? Why am I crying and going through our previous messages? Why am I acting so pathetic? Why the hell am I acting this weak?

This is not who I am. I'm a strong girl, I was not weak and I wouldn't cry over a guy.

"I can move on and forget about him" I said to myself with some sort of fake determination.

For a moment, it felt like I saw a nebulous silhouette of myself sitting in front of me. It was all my subconscious and my stupid imagination but I didn't push it away.

"I can forget about him" I said trying to make myself believe it.

"But you can't forget about him, he was your everything. No matter how many times he put you in trouble, he was always there to rescue you"