Bad Obsession
Axl's POV
I've realized something since I've been in Izzy's body. I really don't think that I care as much about things. I guess it's the heroin. I understand perfectly well why everything was water off Nikki, Izzy, Slash,and Steven's backs. On drugs you just take shit. You put up with things you just normally wouldn't. It's strange for me because this is so fucking abnormal to me. I'm what you would probably call a high strung individual. Everyone has commented on how agreeable I am when I'm high.
But once we got out there on that stage I got sober real fast when I heard Izzy slur through the songs. If it wasn't for the mic stand holding him up he'd fall flat on his face. He's high. He's fucking in my body and shoving that shit into my veins. What the fuck did he do that for? Did he honestly think that I wouldn't fucking notice? Did he somehow think I'd be all cool about this? How can I be cool about him turning my body into a junkie just like his? Way to go on conquering addiction there Izz.
After the show I rush up behind him and shove him hard. If it wasn't for Nikki standing in front of him with Duff's tall frame he would have landed flat on his face. He balances himself and just looks at me wearing fucking shades still. Izzy only did that when he looked strung out and half lidded. I jerk them off my eyes and look into them. Izzy has me twisted nine ways to Sunday. I grab my arm and it's just limp. I look into the bend of my left arm and see a fresh puncture wound.
"You motherfucker!" I yell at him and take a swing. Duff pulls me back with Nikki's arms and Nikki pulls Izzy back with Duff's.
"Oh chill out Axl," Nikki tisks in Duff's voice, "You aren't even predisposed to addiction. Izzy's dealing with a lot trying to be you."
"He's not dealing with trying to be me! He dealing with trying to be WITH me!" I yell.
I guess that harsh reality check Sobers Izzy up because before I can dodge him he's taking a swing that meets with my jaw...well, his jaw, but I fucking feel it. I touch his hand to his face where he hit me. I guess he didn't like me telling everyone his big secret.
"You sure had plenty of questions for me about what it was like fucking another man! A little bit curious maybe! And you are shocked that I'm shooting up? Welcome to my world Axe! This is how I deal with shit! This is how I fucking get through day to day! You think I fucking enjoy this shit? It's just a bad obsession I was stupid enough to get hooked on because I don't know how to be around you any other way!"
"What a fucking cop out!" I shout at him.
"A cop out? You think I love you just so I can have an excuse to get high? I don't do it for the high! I do it for the numbness! It dulls the permanent aching my chest! It makes it easier to be so close to you! It keeps me tame! It keeps me from fucking trying to put moves on you! You should thank your lucky fucking stars that I am a junkie! If I werent I just might take what I want from you!"
"Take what you want?! Well please don't stop there Izzy, tell all of us what exactly it is that you'd like to take from me?!"
"Um, it's cool, I can read between the lines there," Nikki nods Duff's head.
"No!" I shout, "I fucking wanna hear you say it! What the fuck do you just want to take from me?! Say it you pussy!?"
He quirks my mouth into this cocky little snarl. "You can count on me not having an audience fucking watching if I ever do decide to take it."
"Damn, I thought I was going to actually see something," Steven sighs.
"So did I Steven, so did I," I smirk right back at the smug fuck.
Then I watch the look in my eyes change. Izzy snakes my arm around his waist. There is no smug smile on his face now. My eyes look soft like green grass. It's almost like in a goddamn cartoon when the snakes eyes hypnotize someone. My own eyes have me absolutely hypnotized. And the way he gently tugs me into him doesn't seem to make me feel like I have to push away. Then he places my other hand at the base of his neck. "Do you really think I'd ever do anything to hurt you?" He whispers deeply and I can feel the heat of my breath as he says it. And I can see how badly he's fighting the urge to kiss me. "Love doest hurt," he concludes and he lightly brushes my lips across his. I can feel his lips quiver without my will. I think I stop breathing all together. And he holds me for far longer than he should because Duff and Slash start clearing their throats and coughing. He flutters my eyes. He realizes what he's doing and quickly let's me go. He turns on my heels and rushes off.
I just stand there silently. I don't know what I'm thinking of it I'm even thinking at all. But I can't move from this spot. All I can do is stare at my back as it gets farther and farther away from me. Nikki huffs in Duff's throat, "I do believe Axl Rose is too fucking shocked to speak. I gotta write this shit down!"
"That was like romantic and shit... You're really not gonna go after him?" Slash asks.
I glare over at him, "No, because I'm not fucking gay!" I shout at him.
"You sure?" Nikki asks raising one of Duff's eyebrows, "Cuz you looked a little hesitant there. Looked like you were waiting for him to kiss you."
"Nikki...shut the fuck up," I say and turn on Izzy's heels and go the opposite direction. I honestly don't know how I feel right now. I should be pissed off and embarrassed, but that's not exactly what I'm feeling. I can't really put words to what it is I'm feeling. Why didn't I push him away? How did he put me in submission like that?
