Are You Better Off Alone
Axl's POV
I should have known that Izzy would come after me and find me. Maybe this is why I subconsciously ended up at the beach. But when he does find me I wish I was just alone. I don't know what the fuck happened last night. I never planned to do what I did. I'm not gay, I'm not curious, I'm just not into guys. But somehow I ended up doing something that I know gave Izzy the wrong idea. I don't think that I should play on his fantasies and lead him on. He's still my best fucking friend. But at the same time how do I tell him that what he said was the best night of his life was nothing more than me trying to understand.
However, something in the back of my head disagrees with my logic about last night. I don't care how much I say that I was just trying to understand, a part of me liked what izzy did to me. I've been with plenty of chicks and never cum so hard. I felt comfortable with him like we did that shit every day. It should have felt strange and I should have been weirded out. But I wasn't. Sleeping with Izzy didn't bother me at all. And it should have because I'm not fucking gay! I'm not fucking gay!!
But how do I tell Izzy that? I already know exactly what he would do... he'd fight with me, storm off, and shove more of that shit in my veins just to spite me. I really don't want my body to be returned to me addicted to heroin. So I know that I can't just slough Izzy off like dead skin. But I have no intention of fucking him every night either. Fuck! I'm really in over my head with all this shit. And now Izzy's sitting next to me in the sand asking me fucking questions I have no answer for.
I just want to sit in silence but Izzy seems to be completely anti comfortable silences. God I wish he would be quite like he normally is. I needed silence to think straight and figure out what to do. Fuck, what can one do when their best friend is in love with them? You don't just jump in bed with them, do you? God I can't believe I did that! Why couldn't I see how that would lead him on? I mean, what was I hoping to accomplish doing that? Did I think it was the answer to this whole soul swapping business?
"Axe?" He says and breaks my thoughts yet again, "You're never going to let me touch you again, are you?"
I look over at the sadly hopeful expression on my face. I know that if I say no that my body will be full of heroin. "Did I say that?" Is all I know to say. Then he reaches for my hand. I look at my fingers interweave through his. There's no way in hell I can just sit here and publicly hold his fucking hand. I jerk his hand loose from mine, "Could you please not fucking do that here? I do still have a girlfriend, you know."
He looks away and nods my head. "Sorry." And I can almost see the disappointment in my eyes. I can feel him growing distant.
"Maybe you should go back," I then say and watch all the life drain from his eyes. "You know, to keep an eye on Nikki. We left him alone with everyone else, there's no telling what he's doing." It's a lame reason but it's what I tell him.
"No, I'm not leaving you by yourself," he says shaking my head.
"I'm fine by myself, I made it all the way here by myself."
"Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" He says looking back out over the ocean.
I sigh because I don't know how to deal with this. Any way I try to get him to leave is gonna either piss him off or hurt his feelings. Looks like I'm fucking stuck with him. I raise up to his feet and look down at him. "Come on, let's get me out of the sun before you turn me into a lobster." I hold my hand out and help him rise.
"Where we going?" He asks me.
"Home. We'll see if Nikki has come up with any more leads."
"Do you have any ideas?" He asks me as we start to walk.
"Nothing," I sigh. "I guess I give up. I mean... maybe shit will just fix itself in time."
"So what do we do in the meantime? You know, about Erin."
"What about her?" I ask.
"Well, she's pissed off at you," he reminds me.
"Well, I guess you're gonna have to make up with her," I say.
"Make up? Wouldn't that involve makeup sex?" He says and looks down at the pavement, "I mean... eventually..."
I get what he's saying. We have no clue how long we're gonna be stuck in each other's bodies. Eventually Erin is gonna want to be fucked. And I can't exactly fuck her as Izzy. The only solution is to let Izzy fuck her. And if he does fuck her I'm gonna get pissed at both of them. Maybe we should just tell her the truth, but we would never be able to prove it to her. I could say a million thing only her and I know, but she would just say I told Izzy and we were fucking with her. Goddamnit, there's just one solution. Izzy's gonna have to be the one who fucks her. I don't like it, but what choice do I have?
"Look... You're gonna have to fuck her Izzy," I sigh and rub the sweat off his forehead. I guess Izzy's body is starting to withdrawal.
"I don't wanna fuck Erin," he says flatly.
"You're gonna have to eventually... I don't like it either but there's just no way to make her believe what's happened. You're gonna have to make up with her and fuck her."
Izzy shakes my head, "I can't believe you're telling me to fuck your girlfriend."
"Me either. If you have a better idea, by all means tell me."
"No," he sighs.
"Then it's settled."
