Piece Of My Heart
Axl's POV
Hell house was empty with the exception of Izzy and myself. Nikki's flight from Seattle would be in in an hour. Duff had already gone to the Airport. I have no clue where Slash and Steven were. Maybe Nikki ran across some new VooDoo book in Seattle. He studied the shit night and day. But he was still no closer to getting our conundrum fixed. I thought he was supposed to be some sort of genius or something. So far he hadn't had too many good ideas. It's been a month now. I'm starting to think that I'll never be back in my own body again.
I stand in the kitchen staring out the window as Izzy plays a soft melody on his guitar. It was almost sad sounding. And then he starts to sing slowly to himself, "Shed a tear cuz I'm missing you. I'm still alright to smile..."
I can't help but turn and look. Just that melody and that one line was so captivatingly sad. Shit, did he write that for me? I feel really bad that I've been avoiding him. I just don't know what the hell is going on with me. I mean... Izzy fucked my girlfriend and I'm not even mad about it. If I loved her I would be mad, right? But I'm not. Maybe I didn't love her as much as I thought.
I'm wrapped up in my own thoughts and don't acknowledge that Izzy has stopped playing his guitar. I turn and am just inches from my own face. "You scared the shit out of me," I say after jumping.
Izzy doesn't seem to have a reply. He just looks at me with one of my expressions I can't read. He takes a step forward and I take one back and feel the window. I feel Izzy trace my fingers down his arm. He rests the other on the window above my shoulder. He's got me pinned. He smiles at me warmly but shyly. And me, I just freeze. I try to decipher the expression of mine he's giving me, but I can't.
"Why can't I just let you go?" He whispers and the backs of my fingers raise to stroke his cheek. My heart flutters from his touch. I'd be a liar if i said I didn't like it. The tingles inside , the pounding inside, that shit doesn't happen over things you don't like. But liking it is wrong. It's against every moral church taught me.
I sigh, "Izzy...we shouldn't be doing this..."
"We're not doing anything," he whispers softly in my voice as he hones my eyes with his.
"You know what I mean... You're all up in my space," I gulp.
Izzy huffs and pushes away from me. He walks to the other side of the room. He pauses and looks back at me. The look he has on my face is too full of mixed emotions for me to pinpoint any. He slightly shakes my head. "I'm so tired of waiting for you to come around. I was there that night too you know. I saw the look you had. You enjoyed it."
And that was true. I had enjoyed it and that's wrong too. But that's just not something I should tell him. "Yes Izzy. I enjoyed it," I nod, "I never said I didn't."
"Then what's the deal? Why do you act like I'm invisible now?" He shrugs my shoulders.
"I've got too much shit on my mind," I look back out the window.
"Then why won't you talk to me about it? You used to always tell me everything." God the sound of my voice when he says that. It's so broken and defeated. But even more than all that, it's hurt.
"That's because it never involved you before," I say softly.
"Whatever. I'm not gonna hang around here and stare at the back of your fucking head. Happy fucking Birthday." And I hear him going up the stairs. Then I hear a door slamming upstairs.
I sigh and continue just staring outside at nothing. I wished all of the answers would just hit me...but it just doesn't happen. I think I must want a black and white answer but I'm not getting one at all. Perhaps there just isn't one. I don't know what the fuck to do. I hated this feeling so fucking much. I hate this whole situation. Everything was fine before Nikki read those fucking words to that spell.
The day drags on. Stevie and Slash show up just long enough to change clothes. They're meeting up with Nikki and Duff at the airport. Nikki had been in Seattle for Duff's Birthday. They're going to the Cathouse. They invited me since today is my birthday. But I just don't feel like going out. They go beat on Izzy's door to invite him but he doesn't answer. Assuming that he's asleep they leave.
I spend several hours watching TV. Well, staring at the screen. My mind is too unfocused to get anything I watch. I glance at my watch. Izzy's been upstairs all day. I haven't even heard him walking around. Surely he hasn't been asleep all this time. I turn and look at the stairs. He hasn't even come downstairs to give me a fix. The dose is so small now that I barely feel it at all. I say in a few days Izzy's body can go cold turkey. But right now his body is aching a bit and I've got that hungover feeling.
He's probably just pissed off at me and wanting me to ask for it. So I get up and head for the stairs. I quietly go up them and approach my door. Since Izzy's been in my body it's his room. I knock lightly with the back of Izzy's knuckles. But I get no response. So I reached for the doorknob and try to turn it but it's locked. I knock louder and more repetitiously. But he still doesn't answer or call out.
"Izzy, come on, open up. I need a fix!" I call out but am met with dead silenve. "Don't make me kick the door in!" But I'm met with sheer silence and fear sweeps through Izzy's body and I almost feel faint. "IZZY!!" I pound again.
That's it, I've gotta get in this room, something is wrong, I just feel it. So I raise Izzy's leg and start kicking by the door knob until the wood splinters and flies open. Izzy's on his back on the bed. I can see a needle in my vein and a belt tied around my arm as well. "Izzy!" I rush over to him and slap my face hard trying to wake him up. But it doesn't work. Then my eyes fall on an empty prescription bottle. I grab it. It was my Valium. Oh god! I press Izzy's ear to my chest to listen for a heartbeat. There's one, but the distance between beats is too much.
I rush downstairs and call 911. They send an ambulance. I rush back upstairs and hide the heroin in the ceiling tiles. I grab my wrists and attempt to sit my limp body up. I cram my finger down my throat and pray Izzy throws up the pills. But Izzy's gag reflex isn't even trying to work. The shower! I drag my body into the bathroom and hoist him into the tub. I cut on the cold water and smack my face screaming his name. Not even a fluttering eyelash.
"Don't you dare die on me Izzy!! Wake up you son of a bitch!!" I scream and cry and shake him frantically.
But the only thing I accomplish is turning my lips purple. Tears stream down Izzy's cheeks as I panic. I don't know what to do! But I keep trying to wake him. I try everything I've seen on tv.That's what I'm doing when I hear a cop announce from downstairs that they're coming in. I call out and tell them where we are. Paramedics quickly fill the small bathroom pushing me out of the way.
"Do you know what he took?" They ask me.
I nod, "Heroin and about forty Valium."
Then a cop drags me back downstairs and starts asking me a million and one questions. I don't answer a single one. I just watch as paramedics come down the stairs with izzy strapped to a gurney. They walk out the front door and load him up into an ambulance. I ask the cop where they're taking him but he won't answer my questions either. But all I can think about is that Izzy's gonna die. He's still my best friend and he's dying. And it's all my fault.
