Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 1

I don't own any of the Hunger Games characters, Suzanne Collins does.

Katniss

I wake to the sound of my own screaming. My nightmares have visited me yet again. Nights like this aren't exactly a rarity for me. It's been that way for years now. Even before the games, I had many nightmares about my father being blown to bits miles underground and getting reaped for The Hunger Games. I had no idea what kind of horrors faced me in the years ahead. I had no idea that I would soon lose everyone that I cared about. I didn't know anything. I was just a scrawny, hungry girl from the Seam. 

I swing my legs over the side of my bed and rest my head in my hands. I take deep breaths and count to ten. It's what my doctor recommended to me to help calm me down. I haven't spoken to him since I left the Capitol. I know that he calls me, but I don't answer. I don't speak to anyone anymore. 

After I've stopped shaking, I force myself to walk downstairs. I almost expect to find my mom and sister cooking and cleaning. But of course, all I find is the eternal emptiness that now fills this house. My mother and sister are gone. Prim's never coming back and I don't expect my mother to either. She has better things to do than fret over me. She's never taken care of me anyway. 

My house in the Victor's Village is completely empty with the exception of Buttercup. I hate that thing, but the cat is the only thing I have left of Prim, so I manage to get a long with him. I feed him scraps and in return he comforts me at night when my grief gets so bad that I can't bear to function anymore. 

I sit down on the soft velvet couch in my living room, and bring my knees up to my chest. I have been so blank lately, wandering around, not knowing where to go. I don't belong anywhere. I almost wish things were like they were before the rebellion. At least then I would still have to hunt. It would've kept me busy anyway.

Now, all I do it stare at the blank wall, and eat on very rare occasions. It's usually just Peeta's cheese buns and occasionally a bite of stew that Greasy Sae cooks for me. I'm not hungry, anyway. I haven't been for a while. Besides, I don't particularly care if I starve to death. I don't care about anything anymore. My will to live as a functioning human died with Prim. 

I hear a soft knock on the door, but refuse to get up and answer it. Whoever it is, if they know me well enough, will either leave or just come inside anyway. I don't keep the door locked because Greasy Sae visits me sometimes and I don't have enough energy to get a key made for her. No one else wants to  come into this house anyway, with the exception of Haymitch when he's run out of liqour. 

Sure enough, the door creaks open. "Hey," he says.

 I don't bother to look. I know it's Peeta. I knew even before the door opened. He is practically the only one who visits me anymore. Besides Greasy Sae to cook, and Haymitch sometimes.

I listen to Peeta rummaging around behind me, in the kitchen. I blink several times, trying to make pictures out of the dots and textures on the wall.

"Katniss. Do you need anything to eat?" Peeta asks casually. Still, I don't reply. I hear a dramatic sigh and Peeta walks over to me.

"You know, Katniss. You don't have to shut everyone out forever. I know, Prim is dead and I'm sorr-" he stops speaking when he sees the expression on my face. Peeta hates to see me hurt, I know that. 

I look straight into his eyes. I see glimpses of the boy that was in the arena the first time, the one who was stabbed by Cato and almost died to protect me. The one who loved me.

A tear slips from my eye and I wipe it away quickly, pretending that what he said doesn't hurt. I'm not doing a very good job.

"Look, Katniss. My entire family is dead. I have no one. You still have your mom and Gale," he says, cringing uncomfortably at my old hunting partner's name.

"I don't have Gale." I mumble. Peeta just sighs again and starts to walk back in the kitchen. 

"Goodbye Katniss," he says, my front door slamming behind him.

I cower into the couch cushions, letting more tears slip silently from my eyes. "Prim. . ." I whisper quietly. If she were here, everything would be okay. Maybe I'd be happy. But she's not. I watched her die. I watched my baby sister turn to ash. She's gone. 

After a while, I get the strength to get up and go to the kitchen. I feel like I'm falling. And when you fall, you don't stop until you hit the ground. But I'm starting to believe there is no ground. I'm just going to keep falling in this never-ending black hole of nothing. And it's one of the worst feelings in the world.

I lose the motivation to do anything and collapse on the couch again. I rest my head on a soft pillow and wrap my arms around my knees. I start feeling nauseous. It happens whenever I think of Prim. I close my eyes tight, and somehow, eventually, I fall asleep.

I hear a scream. On instinct, I cover my ears. I'm in the woods; the tall, dark trees surround me in a perfect circle.

I look straight across the flat, grassy circle to find myself looking straight at Rue. Then, another scream. It sounds like my voice. Then, I see a girl; no, it's myself.

I look terrible. My braid is ratty, my face pale and swollen, my ear is dripping blood, and my hands are cut and dirty.

I know what this is. It's right after I blew up the career's supplies. Right before my little ally was killed.

Rue is tied up in a think brown net. I watch as the other me frantically takes out a knife and starts sawing away at the rope. I want to close my eyes, and hide. I sob as the other me was just about to get Rue out of the net. As if on cue, Marvel appears. The pictures are so vivid, so real.

Marvel viciously throws the spear and it hits Rue in the stomach. I gasp, and clench the grass. I'm on the ground now, rocking back and forth. Rue's face begins morphing into something, or someone, else. Her hair turns blonde and straight and her face, pale. She is turning into my sister. 

Prim looks straight at me, as if she knows I'm here. "Katniss!" she screams.

I look to see that the other Katniss is gone. She now stands right beside me. I have something in my hand. It's some kind of control. Prim is still laying on the ground, spear in her stomach. Then she gets up and looks straight at me. Rue appears next to her, like a ghost. I hear a click from the control and my world falls apart once again. 

There is an explosion and then another. Rue and Prim are both gone. They have both managed to slip from my grasp again. I scream and cry out, trying to get to them, though I know it's impossible.

"Katniss! Katniss!" I hear someone yelling my name. "Katniss wake up!" 

I open my eyes and sit up, breathing heavily. Peeta is kneeling beside me, his eyes wide.

"Peeta! Peeta. . .I. . ." I whisper, as he pulls me into a hug. A salty tear slips from my eye.

"Shhh. . .It was just a dream," he says, rocking me back and forth. 

"Will you stay with me?" I ask. My voice is shaky and I sound weak. I hate it.

"Always..." He whispers in return.

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