(Idfk) Adopted By Phan

Abyss of Nothingness

Phil pov

"Dan she hasn't left her room in a week!" I exclaim. When we got home we showed her the note that Hailey wrote and then she ran in her room crying and hasn't left it since, besides to eat, or use the bathroom, when neither of us are in range.

Flash back
We walk in the door and Faith rubs her eyes from tiredness, and sadness. I sit down on the couch and pat the spot next to me signaling for her to sit. After Dan sits down on the other side of her, I turn and look her in the eyes.
"I know..." I start, "I know that you probably don't want to hear this right now but, this is Hailey suicide note.." I see her flinch from the last two words.
"Now if you didn't want to read it i could read it to you, but only if you want."
"No ill do it" she says in a horse voice.

Same flashback only Faiths pov

I read the note in my head.

Dear Faith,

The fist thing I want to say is that I am so,so sorry. And that I love you so much. You in fact were the only person I have ever loved. And that is why you are the only one I am writing to. Because you are the only one that I can think of who will care.
Now let me tell you a story. About a crazy little thing called love. There was once this girl. This girl who hated her life and sat alone in school and I could see that this girl was broken. And I always thought "Hailey don't you go up to her because two broken pieces don't make a whole" I thought "Don't do it its just gonna be one more person that you're gonna hurt." but one day I saw her get shoved into a locker. I ran up to her. "Hey are you ok?" I asked. She only nodded her head. "Im Hailey." I said outstretching my hand. She shook my hand but she never said anything. "Ok... Well if you want tell me your name in just gonna call you brown eyes!" then she chuckled and smiled, THE most beautiful smile I had ever seen. And that was when I made it my life goal to always make that smile appear. "My name is faith." she said barley above a whisper. She didn't talk much at all. Or hardly ever.
And after years and years we learned things about each other, we helped each other, he talked a hole hell I a lot more, and best of all I got to watch that smile grow. And over time that smile became more and more fake and I didn't know why. "I'm fine." she would say. "Don't worry about it" she said. Until I found out that this beautiful, funny, talented girl, was going through hell and back. Abuse, death, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and she didn't deserve any of it. But then I showed her something. I showed her the wonderful world of Dan and Phil. And for the first time in a while I saw that genuine smile I missed so much. We would talk about it day in and day out. "I wish that some day, I might get to live with them. Ya know.. Be apart of their family and not my crap one" she said once, "its my dream" and I hoped every single night from then on, no matter how much I needed the wish to help me from my parents and my own life, I wished for her dream to come true. And then one day she got her wish. She said that no matter what if I said the word she would stay home. But as much as I wanted her to, I couldn't keep her from this. I wouldn't.
And then she left. My living situation got better sure, but I couldn't avoid the pain from not having her. I tried to ignore it, block her out entirely. But I couldn't. When we talked on the rare occasion I just smiled and pretended nothing was wrong and nothing was happening. Until one night she called me and reopened that damn wound.
I was set to see her again in a few months. But then, something snapped. And I don't know what. I couldn't be happy. It was as if, I was just in this, abyss of nothingness. And I couldn't escape it. My parents sure as hell didn't notice now did they. And for some reason at school, the bullying got worse because of it. I wouldn't take to anyone, I wouldn't go near anyone, and the worse part was I didn't have my brown eyes to keep me sane.
And I know that this is selfish, and I know that I could just wait until summer and be able to see you, but I just can't Faith I just can't! I can't get out of this fucking labrynth of despair and im sorry! But I was just born in the wrong place, and the wrong time, to the wrong people, and in the wrong life. I hope to god that whatever this afterlife looks like has you in it in some way shape or form. Or hopefully ill see you here sometime when you are old and gray. But please just do one thing for me, don't let this break you. Don't let my passing make you pass too. I want you to live your life as long as you can. I want you to get married and raise kids just like I always wanted. I want you to fight. I want you to keep going. I want you to stay happy. And most importantly, I want you to stay you. And one more thing. From Faith Nickels, to Faith Howell-Lester, I have always loved you. And I always will.