The Color of Knowledge

Chapter Ten (pt. 2)

"Young miss," said Terri as Ivy approached his desk, "what a surprise."

"I need to visit Alex for a final time."

"Go on in, the doors are unlocked."

Ivy marched toward the glass doors, which slip open upon her arrival. Alex lay in the same bed he had always been in, but his appearance was ten times worse than her last visit. He gazed up at her with hollow eyes rimmed with dark circles.

"Ivy?"

"Yes, it's me." She did not stop walking until she reached the bed. She spotted his wheelchair a few feet away, covered in a layer of dust.

"What are you doing here?" It seemed as though it took a lot of energy to open his mouth and speak. "I feel like I've betrayed you."

"I came to make you understand that I understand." Ivy paused. "Are there still cameras in here?"

"Cameras? You mean microphones?"

"Are there still microphones in here?"

"No," said Alex, nodding his head.

Ivy had to tread carefully.

"Good, I'll be able to talk freely, then." She winked. "I'm being exiled tomorrow morning. We will never see each other again." Ivy had grown so accustom to sharing the news that the words no longer felt foreign coming from her mouth. They no longer made her feel sorry about her predicament. Maybe being exiled would not be so bad. No, whom was she kidding? Her life was over.

Alex stared at her. "It's all my fault," he muttered, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry, Ivy. It is all my fault."

"No it isn't." She moved to place her hand in his shoulder. "I'm the one who broke the contract. You had nothing to do with it. It was all me."

"If I had never fallen off the pod and you never had the chance to get the job, none of this would have ever happened. Don't you understand? You would be happy and, I—I wouldn't be so depressed."

Not knowing what to say, Ivy grabbed Alex and pulled him in for a kiss. His lips were softer than she had expected and they knew what to do.

"What was that for?"

"I don't know. I thought it would make you happy."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you love me?" It was more of a statement than a question, but from the look Alex was giving her, Ivy had raised the last bit of her sentence an octave to give the appearance of a question. "You don't?" she almost whispered.

Alex shook his head slowly. "It doesn't matter anymore," he said softly to himself. His eyes lowered in embarrassment, probably not so much for himself, but for Ivy.

"But—"

"But I would always ask you out?"

She took a few steps back from him. Everything President Khamar had said was true, then.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize how that must have looked. I wanted to get to know you—to be your friend. I had actually started seeing someone for a while—well, before all this," he said, looking at his legs.

This took Ivy by surprise. After all the lectures her mother had given her about boys only wanting one thing, never had they had a conversation about boys just wanting to be friends. Now that this was coming to light, she guessed boys were just like regular people too. She smiled and then grimaced. It was her fault Alex was paralyzed, whether he knew it or not. She stepped back towards Alex, placing her hand on his shoulder again.

"I'm sorry this happened to you. I know the truth."

"It was an accident. I must have tripped. But I guess now you know why I said it was love."

Ivy's mouth twitched with pity. Alex believed the whole ordeal to be an accident. She didn't know which was worse: not knowing the full truth as to how he came to be in his present state, or him believing it had been out of his control—up to fate—an accident. What would happen if she told him it was her fault President Khamar had had someone push Alex over the edge? With shame, Ivy withheld the information.

"I promise things will get better for you once I'm gone."

"I wish you wouldn't have to go. Who else is going to visit me?"

"That girl you've been seeing? If she hasn't visited yet, maybe she'll come to her senses."

"You're right, she hasn't visited. I don't blame her. Well, I wouldn't want her to, really. We weren't really supposed to be seeing each other anyway." Alex laughed—an act Ivy was sure had not taken place in a while.

"You remember Nadia, right?" she asked.

Alex froze, a smile playing on his lips. "I remember her."

Ivy played with the white sheets on his bed. "When was the first time you saw her?"

"A little while before the placement ceremony, I think." He frowned. "I might have seen her before then, though... or maybe not."

Ivy nodded. "I have to go."

"Want to try another kiss? Maybe we'll feel a spark this time."

Ivy laughed. "Goodbye, Alex. I'm glad to call you a friend. I know you'll do good things. You're a good guy."

Alex sat up straighter in bed, ready to embrace his friend. They hugged tight and secure. It would be the first and last time.