Son of a Bitch -- More SPN Imagines

Sam x Destiny / Control

(This imagine was requested by turtlelover1013 and was based off the song Control by Halsey. This content may trigger anyone who is affected by thoughts of suicide and dealing with depression or anxiety.)

I drew my knees in closer to my chest. Feeling their weight pinning my heaving chest was comforting. My shoulders tensed, my neck stiff with agitation. My nails clawed into my crossed arms, undoubtedly leaving deep nail marks.

Die. Die. Die.

I shivered. I wanted this to end.

I heard the wind pushing against the window sill, threatening to enter the room. The rain hammered on the roof. The occasional flash of light erupted, a deep booming echoing throughout the walls and my chest. I liked this storm. It would pull me away from my thoughts.

"You don't need to be thinking such negative thoughts, honey." I could hear my mother's voice in my head. She thought that by saying that, all my problems would vanish. Maybe it was because I acted like they did; I would nod and become silent. The next day I would put on a happy smile and face the world with feigned confidence, masking any signs of my paralyzing anxiety and depression. I would feel stupid for letting them overpower me - no one needs to know the demons I deal with.

The demons that are currently winning.

I closed my eyes, feeling another round of thunder vibrate the room. I felt numb. I couldn't cry, I couldn't feel sadness. I was so past the point of depression that I couldn't do anything or think about anything.

Except for how much I want this all to end.

I shook my head, concentrating on pushing those thoughts out. I couldn't kill myself. I had so many friends who I care about - Dean, Cas, Jody, and Bobby. I could never make them go through this. I could never hurt them like that.

And Sam. Sam would just be heartbroken. He still constantly deals with Jess' death, I just couldn't make him go through the pain of losing someone he loves again. He's broken like you, just in different spots.

As if on cue, I hear heavy footsteps coming from the hallway. "Destiny?"

My heart began racing. He didn't need to see me like this. I push off the ground and stand up, just as he opens the door to my room. I felt frozen. I stare at him, mouth slightly agape, scared of being caught.

His eyebrows furrow and he looks me up and down quickly. "Uh, are you okay?

I nod too rapidly, still at a loss for words. My hands ball up by my sides, trying to train myself to act normally.

Not convinced, Sam takes a careful step forward. "You sure?"

Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die.

The thoughts were persistent. I closed my eyes, refocusing my thoughts. My nails dug into my palms.

"Destiny, you can talk to me." A large, warm hand lightly rested on my left shoulder.

A shiver traveled down my spine at the contact. I forced myself to pull away from my thoughts and look at him. It took a few seconds for my eyes to readjust, but they focused on Sam's loving eyes. He was kneeling next to me, his fingers now curling a bit more securely on my shoulder, but not too harshly. Just a reassuring gesture. He seemed to understand that physical contact would pull me out of my sad world. 

I admired his face, all the breathtaking features. His light stubble on his sharp jawline and angled cheeks, his pink lips slightly parted in concern, his dark hair tucked behind both ears. God, he's beautiful.