Son of a Bitch -- More SPN Imagines

Dean / See I'm Smiling

(This is loosely based off the song, "See I'm Smiling" from The Last Five Years. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it!)

"You - " Taking a step back, startled, you're at a loss for words. "You... you slept... with her?"

Dean gazed at the ground, his fingers fiddling with the keys to the Impala. He remained silent, only infuriating you. 

In a fit of rage, you shove him backwards, wanting to get his attention and hit him and cry and get answers and leave all at the same time. He didn't seem unnerved by your violence, either, so you shoved him again, a little harder this time. He pulled away from you sharply, standing defensively but still not looking you in the eye. 

Your eyes roam his uncaring face. You suddenly feel foolish for even getting emotional about this. The rational voice in your head reassures you that you have every right to be mad; he is your boyfriend of several years and he cheated on you. The knife in your heart twisted further, causing physical pain in your chest. You wanted to throw up. 

A million thoughts raced in your head. Did he still love me? Was she better than me? How do I react to this? Should I leave him? Do I still love him? Am I not good enough? What's wrong with me?

Taking a step back from him again, you remain in awe of the situation. You planned to marry this man. This horrible, disloyal, lying, manipulative man. You mentally kicked yourself for not seeing the signs earlier - the texts in the middle of the night, the leaving at ungodly hours, the unexplained absences, the disinterest in your relationship.

Without thinking, you blurt out in an unsteady voice, "Do you still love me?"

Dean remains silent.

"Dean?"

Nothing.

"So you don't?"

This finally gets through to him. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Look, I don't know how I feel, (Y/N). I'm trying to figure things out."

"You're trying to figure things out?" you scoff, becoming more defensive. "How about you try talking to me about things first? You know, the other side of this relationship? It seems like you've already made your decision, though. Sleeping with another woman - God, how could you? We've been together-"

He began talking over you. "Okay, that's enough, I really don't want to talk about this-"

You kept talking over him, as well. "-for three years, Dean, three fucking wasted years! I've put myself through all of this, only to be cheated on?!" 

"Stop! I'm not fucking talking about this right now, (Y/N), didn't you hear me? I'm not doing this right now." His eyes finally meet yours. They're cold and distant. 

"Why? Do you have to rest after tonight's big rendezvous?" you mock him.

He doesn't answer, rolling his eyes and walking out of the study room. You decide not to follow him because you can already feel yourself losing control over your emotions. You didn't want to escalate the situation. Instead, you plopped into the chair you were sitting in earlier, staring at the wall and thinking about nothing and everything simultaneously. Tears began brimming again, and you couldn't stop them from pouring out. You put your face in your hands and let yourself weep, the sound of your cries being the only sound in the entire bunker. 

----------

You avoided looking at Dean, noticing that he was doing the same thing. The atmosphere in the room was dense and awkward. Sure, you two had sort of rekindled after your explosive fight a few days ago, but something still felt... off. You shoved aside the thought, trying to revel in the simple fact that you two are sitting together right now and attempting to make this work.