delivered

90

( sorry if this is a little shitty )

"i'm outside," dan breathes into the receiver of his phone, a small puff of fog forming in front of his mouth because of the low temperature. his eyes are rimmed red, pupils bloodshot and cheeks blotched with a pallor of sadness. tangled curls were hanging above his forehead, barely peeking out of the knitted hat that he was wearing and his fingertips, although numb, were still shaking.

"please come upstairs, it's so cold outside," adrian mumbled quietly into the phone, allowing his heart to break as he watched phil wrap his arms tighter around himself, his teeth sinking into his lower lip to hide his frown.

"i'm fine," dan sighed, resting his back against the park bench and letting his eyes focus on the leafless trees branching out. "tell me when nan is about to reach home, i will come upstairs then," he doesn't want to bother phil more than he already has.

it had been mere hours and he was already missing phil so, so terribly, he's afraid he can't put the feeling into words. his scalp is constantly burning with the need of phil's fingers massaging it, his hands are shaking with the need of phil holding them, his eyes are watering with the need of just simply seeing phil again. he is not sure if he'll be able to live through the divorce that phil mentioned.

he wants to apologise to phil, reason with him, convince him that he was only phil's and no one else's and that whatever happened between him and chris was just a stupid, stupid mistake.

he wants to hold phil, tell him that he's not at fault for dan's irrational actions, love him so much that he's forced to forget about every downfall in their relationship. he wants to lay phil in bed and comfort him, and make him a cup of tea and play soft music and he wants to take phil on a vacation so he can show him exactly how much he loves him, show him what they had been missing, show him how they are just so perfect for each other.

but that is it.

he can only want all of that, and no matter what he does, what he says, what he wants, it will never change the fact that phil can never love him the unconditional way he used to.

"you'll be sick, i can come downstairs, we can go for a coffee if you want?" adrian suggests, forehead displaying thin lines of worry.

"no," dan refuses, wrapping his right arm around himself so that the breeze isn't travelling through his slightly unzipped jacket. "dad needs you right now, please stay with him,"

"okay, can you please go somewhere warm? or you can come home and stay in my room,"

"i-i'll go to the café nearby, don't worry about me," he says his goodbye to adrian and doesn't follow up on his promise, he just slumps back further against the tough material of the bench's backrest, and lets his eyes wander off from gravelly cycling paths to rusty swings who's paint has chipped away over the years.

the sky is the palest blue, heavy clouds of dismay waiting for release, the sun almost drowning within, seeming to stop trying with the struggle of shining upon everyone. the breeze is gradual, soft, but when it brushes past dan's skin it leaves a painful burn in its wake, painting his cheeks with an angry red, and the tip of his nose an unforgiving shade of rose. the grass beneath his feet is almost dead, holding on the last of its roots as it loses colour, the vibrant green fading into a dry brown at the tips, crushing pathetically under his boots. it's a strange metaphor for their situation, dan is almost too tired to spot the similarities.

chris-tmas : dan please reply

chris-tmas : i'm really worried about you

dan doesn't know how to feel towards chris anymore. he agrees, it was all his fault for making the first move, to consent to whatever that was, but what kind of a friend was chris if he couldn't stop dan from making the biggest mistake in his life?

dannylester : im fine

chris-tmas : did you talk to phil

dannylester : yea

chris-tmas : well ?? what did he say

dannylester : he's divorcing me

chris-tmas : WHAT ?? DAN WHAT THE FUCK NO I WILL TALK TO PHIL IF YOU WNAT ME TO PLEASE DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN

dannylester : no its okay

dannylester : its his decision and im not going to force or trouble him more than i already have

chris-tmas : dan please don't let this happen

chris-tmas : do you have a place to stay ? you can come here if you want to

dannylester : i'll manage thanks

dannylester : please don't text me after this

chris-tmas : what ? why

dannylester : i don't think we should be friends anymore im sorry

chris-tmas : dan no you can't do this

snap not sent

chris-tmas : dan !!!!

snap not sent

chris-tmas : dan you're my best friend please i beg you don't do this

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hope ur enjoying the yoi covers don't mind me im just kinda obsessed thanks