delivered

101

( ur not ready for this chapter )

there is silence tracing the air around them, weaving through heavy breaths, accompanying the gentle rubs against dan's back, and dissolving in the tears that escape dan's closed eyes and stain phil's jumper. it's all silence.

phil stands there with his lips pursed, his palms pressing flat against dan's clothed back to pull him closer and comfort him at the same time, his nose buried in dan's unruly hair and his eyes focusing on nothing in particular. his chest is rapidly filling with warmth with the way dan's blunt fingernails dig into his shoulders and his face presses impossibly close against the skin of his neck, and even though the rational side of him knows its wrong-he has no will to pull away.

"dan?" phil attempts to loosen his grip slightly just like he has done three other times, but dan refuses yet again, shuffling closer and whimpering pathetically and digging his nails harder into phil's jumper to stop him from pulling away.

"please," dan's voice is laced with heartbreak and desperation and phil sighs into his hair before rubbing his hands along the curve of dan's back and firmly pushing dan off him.

"phil plea-"

"sh, let's sit you down alright?" phil lets his fingers wind through the front of dan's hair to push them off his forehead, both his hands moving to cup dan's cheeks so he can wipe the tears that are glistening the soft skin.

dan just nods meekly, inferiorly grabbing phil's hand and gripping it tightly between his fingers and phil bites his lip before giving in, pulling dan to the bench he was previously sat at, both of them sitting down closer than necessary and dan's arms going around phil's waist almost immediately, his head nudging back against phil's neck as he cuddles into him for the much needed comfort.

"this is not right," phil mumbles after a few minutes and dan's eyes fall shut at the hostile tone in phil's voice.

"i-i know, i'm sorry," dan apologises but doesn't pull away, selfishly hoping for the familiarity of phil's arms to last longer.

"it's not your fault i just-i just don't want to-" phil stutters and dan reluctantly leaves his side for a brief moment, wiping his cheeks with the sleeves of phil's jacket that he's wearing and staring at him in confusion.

"don't want to what?"

"i don't want to give you false hope," phil mutters finally and dan just draws his lower lip between his teeth, chewing on the flesh harshly so he can stop himself from saying something irrational.

"i-i don't know how to handle this, this situation that you've brought upon us dan. i want to be with you, of course i do because i have never imagined life without you but this-i don't know how to deal with this, to get past this and i'm sorry," dan doesn't want to hear this, this vague bullshit apology about how phil can't be with him anymore and it makes an unfamiliar anger surge through him, his cheeks flushing and his fingers bunching up the material of phil's jacket into tight fists.

"you can't do this phil," dan's words sound too controlled and his breathing is too ragged but phil doesn't take notice. he just looks away from dan and purses his lips.

"i'm sorry,"

"what do you mean you are sorry? so this is it then? you're leaving me? did you ever even think why i did what i did?" dan loses the little control he had on himself, getting off the bench and pacing back and forth in front of phil, his shoes flattening the soft grass underneath as he walks in uncoordinated steps.

"y-you, fuck you phil! if it wasn't for you, if you hadn't-fuck!" dan doesn't know what he's saying. he is so overwhelmed with the situation, with the decision phil has made-he can't even begin to imagine how abnormal his life would be without him and adrian.

"don't you dare blame this on me now," phil warns, his voice low and intimidating as he gets on his feet as well and dan just scowls at him, walking over to him and pushing harshly against his chest, causing phil to stumble just slightly.

"and why shouldn't i? you think i don't know how you wanted to bring chris' friend home? to our apartment?" dan screams, his eyes ablaze with a challenging look and phil clenches his jaw, looking away from the intensity of the brunet's gaze and running his fingers through the front of his hair.

"i was drunk," phil states dismissively, and dan snickers, taking a step forward, his height towering over phil just slightly, their chests almost touching.

"you are just as wrong as i am, phil," dan jabs a finger against phil's chest harshly and phil glares at him, opening his mouth to respond but closing it once dan cuts him off. "you know you would have slept with him, you offered him to come to our apartment didn't you?"

"i'm not like you," phil raises his voice, pushing dan back to create some distance between them.

"the only reason i slept with chris was because i thought you were cheating on me!" dan screams, somehow walking towards phil again to the point where there is barely any space between them and phil rolls his eyes ignorantly.

"sure, i know you like him dan, just fucking admit it and stop ruining my life," phil spits, turning on his heel to leave the park so they don't cause any scene or continue this argument further but before phil can go very far, dan is grabbing his arm and pulling him back.

"where the hell are you going now?" dan pushes against phil's chest once again. "you know you're lying, you're a fucking cheater and you're not loyal in this relationship either," dan's voice is loud and his tone is accusing and phil grits his teeth in annoyance before he grabs dan's jaw tightly between his fingers and pushes him against the nearest tree, dan's head contacting with the flaky material of the bark harshly.

"what did you just say?" phil spits, their faces dangerously and unhealthily close and dan puffs out a heavy breath, struggling to speak through the death grip phil has on his jaw.

"i said what the truth is," dan's tone is just as harsh. "you're a fucking liar, and a fucking cheater and-"

phil tightens his hold, his fingers slipping down from dan's jaw to cup around his neck and dan's cheeks flush at the gesture, his breath hitching slightly in his throat. phil steps closer, their chests touching as he brings his lips to the younger's ear, words flowing out in a harsh whisper of hot breath and anger.

"and who are you to say that when you've been a fucking slut?"

--
i really have no time on my hands bc of exams but

i thought u guys deserved an update after literally cramping ur fingers from voting too much for me in the fanfiction awards ???? omg u guys are the fucking best ???????