Critics column - 2

Review - 7

Author:  mikealogy

Title: Castle of Absurdity

I think the title is appropriate for the comedic, parody vibe that you have going on for the story.

Cover:

The cover is simple and straightforward. The white background makes the title and the silhouettes stand out nicely on the page. I don’t know that anything about it would make me stop and click, but I’m not familiar with the other types of covers in the short story category. The cover fits your story, even if it might not draw in readers.

Blurb:

The blurb is short and gives some indication of what a reader can expect. I don’t see an immediate connection in the first few chapters to Pride and Prejudice, but I can see how making the comparison might draw in readers. I read to the seventh chapter and the main characters hadn’t met yet, so it’s hard to say how apt this is without reading more.

Story:

Things I liked:

I like the breezy writing style.

The chapters are short so the reader isn’t bogged down in detail and description.

The characters all appear very straightforward but not boring.

There are hints at some depth and conflict both external and internal.

The short chapters make it very easy for a reader to binge them.

Ways to Improve:

Some of the sentences are a little awkwardly phrased or overly wordy.

Examples:

“Long ago and very far away from where you are holding this moment to read this tale, there was once a kingdom.”

If you want to break the fourth wall and address the reader (you), that’s okay (in a comedy/parody it generally works). But this is overly wordy. I might make it more concise like this:

Long ago and very far away from you, there was a kingdom.

“She didn’t have any last name or at least she didn’t know” could be clearer by writing “She didn’t have a last name, at least not one she knew.”

“the kingdom has since ages” = “the kingdom had seen in ages.”

These are some examples. There are other places where the writing can be overly wordy, making your clarity and therefore the humor slightly less effective.

Capitalization is a bit of an issue in some places. Unless the full, proper name is used, words like prince, king and castle aren’t capitalized. They are capitalized when the full name is present. Prince Gabriel is an example where it would be capitalized, but any time ‘the prince’ is written, it is not.

The chapters are so short that they rely on a lot of telling. Rather than the reader discovering some things through description and dialogue, they are fed the information. For me, I find it harder to invest in the characters in this format. I don’t feel like I know them.

The POV in each chapter is sometimes hard to decipher. Although “he” and “she” is used at the top of the chapters, sometimes the “he” chapters are Leopold and sometimes they are Gabriel (and perhaps Wilbur later, I don’t know). Since the chapters are short and the development of the relationship between Gabriel and Mary seems to be where the story is headed, I would try to keep the focus on them as much as possible.

Overall:

The narrative is easy and quick to read. Even though some of the sentences are awkwardly phrased, I always understood the point you were trying to make.

I was able to develop questions about the characters, their motivations and so forth which help a reader to move through the story, seeking the answers.

Questions I had that I would expect to have answered by the end: Why is Mary disowned? Why can’t the king win a battle with his son? Will the son revolt against his father? Why doesn’t his father know about his friendship with Wilbur?

All of those are questions that would encourage a reader to continue on with the story. That sense of mystery or uncertainty is great for clicking ‘next chapter.’

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to review it. If you have any questions about any of the content in this review, you are welcome to send me a PM.

RElizabethM