Author: therichbxtch
Title: Sonder: A Solangelo Story
The title comes up within the first few chapters, so I think it’s suitable for the book. I understand it’s purpose and it fits the themes and ideas present at the start of the novel.
Cover:
I don’t understand, at this point, how the cover fits the story. It’s easy to read and pretty, but for me, it doesn’t give a strong sense of the content I’ve read so far. Since the book is a fan fiction, it’s possible the cover makes sense in that fandom (I don’t know).
Blurb:
It’s short and to the point. Once you’ve written more of the story you may want to come back and put more details in your blurb. Specifically, it’s good to give readers a sense of the stakes or conflict in the novel to encourage someone to click “read.”
Things I liked:
Will’s POV is really interesting and very much fully realized in the first couple of chapters. I like both the characters but initially connected better with Will. Once we get some of the backstory on Nico, it’s a little easier to connect with him, too.
I liked the backstory and explanation for Nico’s sadness and hostility. It inspires a lot of sympathy in the reader.
The concept that they can drift in and out of each other’s lives is really a neat idea. That they have no control over it but that it doesn’t yet feel out of control is a nice touch. Will’s notion that he can help Nico through making friends and expanding his social circle comes across as kind.
The central conflict (at this point) appears to be that while both boys are surrounded by people who love and care about them, they both feel lonely and isolated (in different ways). I enjoyed the sense of a connection forming between the boys even though they weren’t able to communicate in traditional ways.
Possible areas for improvement:
The first chapter felt like it could possibly be organized a bit better. I’m not sure if both Nico and Will are needed in that first chapter. I might be inclined to have a Nico chapter and a Will chapter and alternate that way. Since they are called their real names by their internal self and each other’s names externally, some of the point of view (POV) shifts bordered on confusing. Readers who to have to work too hard might give up.
Sometimes the phrasing is a little wordy or awkward. Examples:
“Nico had started to wonder if this was a dream, maybe he should enjoy being someone else for a little while.”
“As if he was a man who could do harm if he wanted to but instead showed compassion.”
In both of these cases (and in other places), I thought the writing would be clearer with fewer words.
Sometimes the word choices, particularly the pronouns are awkward. The use of “the male” in several instances distances the reader too much from the action. The story is written in third limited and writing “the male” almost puts it in an omniscient perspective. I would consider changing those references.
Capital letters at the start of speech and at the start of sentences are sometimes missing.
Sometimes internal thoughts are repetitive. Example:
“This thought ran through my mind…” – as a reader, I don’t need to know that I’ve just read a thought if it’s clear that the character is thinking/in internal monologue.
There are occasional spelling mistakes/typos.
In the early chapters, the show versus tell isn’t always balanced. At times, the writing falls more into telling the reader things rather than letting the reader figure it out based on clues/ideas in the writing.
Some character descriptions are overly wordy. Example:
“Hazel popped in[to] the discussion, giving Will a sincere expression of concern on her face.
Any time the writing can be clear, concise and descriptive, it’s a win. If twice as many words are used than are needed, readers will start to feel a little frustrated.
Paragraphing isn’t always correct in the larger body paragraphs.
Some tense shifts throughout.
Some of the dialogue feels overly formal or stilted. Try to listen to people in your own life, to the rhythm of their speech, to the words they use, etc and add that into your speakers in the story.
Overall:
I enjoyed reading this. I really like the concept. I like the hints that Nico and Will are going to be able to connect emotionally and intellectually before they ever get a chance to meet in person.
Good luck writing the rest! If you have any questions about this review, you are welcome to send me a PM.
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Critics column - 2
RandomThis is a second part of critics column as we have reached maximum parts of previous book. Thank you so much for such great response! Status : OPEN Do you want a constructive criticism about your story? Need help with plot? We provide 2 type of fe...
