Title: Enigma
Username: TheAgent88
Cover: Good. Suits the story very well in my opinion.
Summary: Enough to lure the readers in. Mentioning the UFO is a good move and it definitely piqued my curiosity, so will the readers'. The only thing I am not satisfied is the word "meanwhile" in the second stanza. Why meanwhile? And how? Better change the word.
Story: The storyline is amazing and it did compliment the title. The language is smooth and satisfactory too.
The problem came with the way you have written the story. Too many details and there is nothing left to the imagination of the readers. And dumping in the physical appearance of the characters is a bit annoying to me.
Then comes the introduction of the lead characters in every scene. I don't want to be reminded of their hair and eye color every time I come across them.
I guess you have put the characterization in an enigmatic box because I couldn't bring their characterization together since everything about them is only about their physical appearance in most part.
I guess you have tried to write the story in reader's point of view but there are places where you have missed the point and brought it in a character's point of view. Like in the prologue, for instance, when Alex showed up, "footsteps were heard" that part is in Holly or the thugs' point of view. It's not a big deal, but just letting u know to keep an eye open for it.
The grammar at the start of the prologue switched because you wanted to tell the history of the Red Valley. Consider bringing the history into the story, so that grammar won't be off at the start of the book.
"Certain" and "somewhere" are used too much than bearable. A certain girl, somewhere in Red Valley... try to change it.
Dialogues. I'm sorry to be too blunt about it. They are so horrible like spoken by a robot or something, too formal to be humans. They had to be casual. On talking terms, no one will use people's whole name, but you have used for the characters that are well acquainted with each other. They seem quite unnatural.
Why is it a prologue? Chapter 1 starts with where u left off in the prologue. Making the prologue to chapter 1 will suit it better. Again my opinion.
I understand the characters you have created are your babies and u will love them. But saying beautiful, handsome and enigmatic – a big no-no. when u show it once, readers ll remember it.
I felt like reading an essay rather than a story. You don't have to go on for all details, just keep it minimal and let the readers do their imagination part.
Rating 4/10
Hope you will improve ur writings from the review.
Happy writing :-)
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Critics column - 2
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