Critics column - 2

Review - 30

Title : Serenade

Author - amansurvives

Cover:

The cover was very bright and inviting. I especially loved the placement of the awards. It wasn't crowding and still kept the main focus on the couple.

Title:

I feel like it matched the story really well. It was very clear and to the point and it made the story even more beautiful . Good job.

Summary: 

It was too long. A summary should be short, simple, and sweet. While it was well written and used beautiful imagery, I did not want to read it at all.

Story:

Oh my god. The writing is so beautiful, it's hard to imagine that it is a fan fiction. From the fan fiction I've read tend to be sloppy and move the plot too quickly. Basically it suck, but this felt like I was reading a masterpiece. 

Now, there were of course some mistakes. Sometimes the imagery was too much and repeated itself. It made me want to skim over it to get on with the story. Grammar problems as well, run-on sentences and missing commas. This was mostly seen in the first two chapters, but after those it got better.

There is one thing that is bothering me. At what university in America allows a student deface it dorm rooms? I'm pretty sure that U.S. colleges do not allow their students to put on tape, poke holes, or anything else that will deface the walls. Resident Halls/Dorms are not owned by the students; when a student leaves the college, someone else will move into that room. These rules are set up so the university won't have to spend so much money fixing rooms every year. This just really bothered me.

The last thing is in the prologue. During that time, the character is pregnant, but when the story continued and a new chapter started, I thought she was still pregnant. There was no "two years ago" or any time stamp that showed this leap in time. It left me confused and with the other language that is inserted into the dialog, I thought the main character was looking for her child or something. And then when I found out she was not, I thought the language was Chinese, but it was cleared up later on in the passage. So, maybe try to explain where she was before you type in other languages.

Overall:

I am still shocked that this was a fan fiction. I feel like you could actually publish books -I don't think you can publish fan fictions- and of course work on some of the things stated above. Definitely elaborate more and cut back on the extended imagery.

Rating: 8/10

Good job and keep on writing.

ReviewGal