Critics column - 2

Review - 51

Title: Guardian Angel

Username: Lickerfish

Cover: The cover seems delicate for me. For your story and the genre it is in, the cover doesn't fit.  

Summary: The summary in terms of content is excellent. You gave the point to dig in the expectations of a reader. The finishing line is pretty good. But the problem arises in tense. All the three tenses are dancing around. You ll have to take a look at it.

Story: Wow for that descriptions. You had done a great job in bringing the scene in front of reader's eyes. I could even imagine the colours that painted the scene. Esp I loved that description on the sky and sun in the chapter "awaken my protectors".

First when I read the chapter "Briars and Thorns", I decided that this is gonna be a purple poetry but I was too early to judge. The next chapter showed me how u can turn the beautiful descriptions into a story like that.

And when I read through, you have brought so much about Bullying. It's a good way to create awareness among youngsters about the particular social abuse. Good work there as well.

The problem with the book is Grammar, words and punctuation.

We all have that Grammar problem. The tense switches throughout the story. And the prepositions you have used are not right at all. "On to" "upon" I don't know why these words repeats so often where they are not necessary at all.

"A trail of the blood seeped onto her other arm. Leaking onto the grass as it streamed into the opening of the ground" you ll understand from this one example. Everywhere onto, into... its totally annoying to see the wrong usage of them.

Leading down to earth.

Consider learning where and how to use prepositions. Earth should be in Initial capital always and always written as "The Earth"

I'm just giving you examples from the page I had while I was writing the review.

A lot of words are misused. For instance, "pile of students"? how could we pile up students?

I somehow got what do you want to project in each sentence but all the meaning of the words didn't match with what u wanted to display.

Punctuation error is even worse. When I read some lines for the first time, without punctuation marks, it didn't make sense. I was like, "what did I read now?" then I go back and make a mental punctuation to read it again to know what u want to say. I hardly see any commas in the book.

Characterization development is done well. U have explained how their character changed over the years. It's a positive one.

I strongly suggest you to hire an editor to clear the problems.

Rating: 6/10

Happy writing :)

SpiritofMerGirl