Critics column - 2

Review - 9

Username: zaiinzain

Title: Love Bound

Is the teacher/ student thing really necessary? I don't think so. Love bound is attractive enough for me for a title.

Summary: Well, the summary seems good but when I reread it again after reading the book, I think its giving away more than it should. I know like the surprise when they're going to find out Aster n Michael falling for each other is too obvious. Like I said in the title, don't just go on giving gist about the book in title and summary. Readers have to explore it, for that you had to keep it as mysterious as possible.

Story

The story line is really good and unique. When it started, I was like its gonna be like any other young adult story. But that Friday evening shocked me to the maximum. Wow! What a mom. I just wanted to barge into the book n kill her. That much emotions I could get from your writing.

You have brought out your MC's fear so well and I could imagine it in my head. Great work on this emotional and description parts.

Some might find the pace to be a little slow at the starting, but it is really necessary to buildup logic. She can't just run into his arms just like that. Here the character development is perfect. A girl with a torturous life should be stubborn and outgrow her age.

But you could've picked up the pace later on. The pace is still the same at the last chapter which might throw readers off. Pick up the pace and go for turns and exciting twists.

That little piece of heart she wrote for Vervain's class is so beautiful.

The major problems I find in the writing is Grammar, punctuation and sentence formation.

1. Switching between past to present then to future and then to past is not right. Stick to a single tense while writing. Grammar is too important in writing.

2. When u use tag lines after dialogues, the end punctuation of the dialogue should be comma.

"You're a good man," I said.

3. Reader likes to read a simple sentence, mostly in active voice. If u try to bring a passive voice with multiple actions in a same sentence, its gonna be awkward and readers had to reread it. Keep it simple, keep it short. Don't go for multiple conjugation in a single sentence. Instead use period. I find long connected sentences throughout the book. Since u r in editing phase, I hope you correct these mistakes.

Science is jibrish? That's not the word. Its Gibberish.

Rating: 5/10

By AtheScrivener

Thanks for the patience. Love ya for that :-)

keep writing :-)