User Name: Lady-Senpai
Title: How Bad Can We Be?- We’re Just Girls
Though the title is a bit long and wordy, it actually fits the story. It’s a good sarcasm of itself. But I think you can change the title to a shorter and more catchy one, keeping the sarcasm intact.
I cannot criticise trailers very well, but I think your trailer is fairly good. The quality of the videos and the professionalism of merging them into one could be a bit better.
Cover: The manipulation isn’t that bad, but I think it could be better. The quality of the image is bad. Though this cover can be used, you should try a better one.
Summary: the blurb is okay for the book. But to make it better, first, edit it a bit. Insert a ‘the’ before ‘golden boy’ because that will make it specific. Also, check out for some misuse of words and punctuations. You can also make it a bit dramatic by splitting the blurb into small paragraphs and catchy lines. Also, write in one particular tense-- either the present or the past.
Story: Your story is quite gripping and interesting. Though only 3 chapters cannot say much about the plotline, the storyline that formed in my head reading it has already excited me. You’ve used mystery elements at their right places and have kept enough mysteries for the reader to wait eagerly for the next chapter. Only, at some places, the mystery seems to be a little exaggerated. Keep suspense but do not overdo it. Then it won’t be fun. For example, the suspense regarding the text messages was unnecessary. Sometimes if you let the cat out of your bag, it will give rise to more suspense than when you don’t.
Well, grammatically, the story needs more improvement. You have often mixed up ‘except’ with ‘expect’; ‘whose’ with ‘who’s’ and so on. Also, punctuation and use of articles are two big flaws in your writing. You can use an editor or edit it yourself to make it sharper and better. The language is good and sounds like a professional writer.
The chapters are long but aren’t boring. Only if you stop overloading suspense, it’ll give out better results. I won’t say much about the characterizations because it’s too early to judge. But you’ve given some good shades in the girls’ characters.
Note - Once you make the writing more catchy and cut down some suspense, your book will gear up. It is a good one and even I'm excited to know who killed Landon Foley. You have a good sarcasm on ‘naivity of girls’.
By - HerSpectre
YOU ARE READING
Critics column - 2
RandomThis is a second part of critics column as we have reached maximum parts of previous book. Thank you so much for such great response! Status : OPEN Do you want a constructive criticism about your story? Need help with plot? We provide 2 type of fe...
