Critics column - 2

Review - 10

Author: Felicity_Cameron

Title: Lachrymose

The title comes from the note at the start of the book of poems. In that sense, it fits. The word itself isn’t one commonly used and some people may have to Google it to understand its significance (even with its use in the beginning note).

Cover:

I think the cover could more accurately reflect the poems. For the purposes of this review, I read ten of the poems. The cover depicts a girl with her back to the camera, but there’s no sense of the heartbreak in the cover that is present in the poems.

Specific thoughts and ideas on some of the poems:

Opening Note – it’s a nice touch to give the reader some context on what the book will hold. It might be a little longer than you need. It felt a little repetitive. I think the note could probably communicate the sentiments in fewer words.

First Poem – rhyming couplets, flows well, nice opening and ending lines. For me, the middle lines weren’t as strong.

Second Poem – rhyming couplets

“the trees away” – maybe the trees sway?

“my sight of the rain” – this feels awkward

I like this poem; it had echoes of Illumination

Third Poem – rhyming couplets

For me, this poem didn’t resonate as much as some of the others I read in both imagery and word choice.

Fourth Poem – rhyming couplets

The third line and the second last line don’t flow as well as they could. I would consider tweaking them.

Sixth Poem – rhyming couplets

I liked this poem. It feels more metaphorical and while it’s still tied to the heartbreak theme, it seems to have other ideas as well.

General Thoughts:

I didn’t read all the poems, only the first ten, but I wonder about creating some sort of character arc within the poems. 

At the moment, each poem seems to be about heartbreak and how much difficulty your persona is having getting over someone. Does your persona start to work through the heartbreak and eventually come to some sort of realization? If not, the poems regardless of the content can start to feel repetitive.

Another suggestion would be to consider the format. Every poem I read was written in rhyming couplets. I would consider switching up the format every couple of poems (and if you don’t do rhyming couplets later in the book and there isn’t a character arc for the persona, I might move the chapters around). Sometimes reading several poems in a strict format (such as rhyming couplets) can add to the sense of repetition, even if the content isn’t repetitive.

Perhaps playing with the rhyme scheme or weaving in some free verse poems would create some variety and might inspire new content, too.

I think you have included some nice imagery in the poems and there are some good turns of phrase. Good work!

Once again, if you have any questions about anything in this review, you are welcome to send me a PM.

RElizabethM