Critics column - 2

Review 41

Title: Raava

User - Lady-Senpai

Well the title is quite short and really doesn’t give much away, but I rather quite like its ambiguity. The fact that it doesn’t give a lot of way, helps in keeping me guessing on what it is all about and thus helps in sparking off my interest. Plus, they do say that less is more, so yeah XD.

Cover:

Now that is what I would call a badass cover. The woman (who surely must represent Raava) looks very cool in the pose that she is in with the two swords in hand, definitely looks like a woman who is to be feared. I really don’t have much to say about your cover cause it’s just so beautiful, the way the title was written, the little additions like the blood on the mouth, basically everything on there came together perfectly.

Summary:

The summary was okay as well, and actually brought to light something that I pointed out in the story (oh silly me lol). It quite its purpose of getting me intrigued quite well plus it also allows me to get a bit of the sense of direction of your book, something that is always good for that is what might enable a reader to want to up and continue reading your book. So, in summary that was a nice blurb.

Story:

Okay first things off I quite liked the prologue, it was short and didn’t reveal a lot but there was enough information in there to pique my interests. I mean yeah, I was very intrigued to find out more on the whole she, betraying God and going to work for the devil thing, like a more detailed reasoning as to what exactly her sister did that forced her hand and what not. The ending though was my favorite part cause now I was also as intrigued to find out what exactly led to her being forgiven and brought back to Earth. So, in summary the prologue was good and served its purpose well, although there were a few instances with the tenses that I pointed out, there was nothing a quick edit couldn’t fix.

Now onto the main story, first things off I quite liked the fact the girl was such a badass. Like in the scene with the monster, the fact that she didn’t back down was very cool, and then when she clashed heads with not only Ospar but also Thomas owner.  I really find the fact that she’s so tough interesting because I think it could lead to some fun parts in the future. Another thing I quite enjoyed was the whole mystery that surrounds poor Thomas, for instance with the whole him not existing when looked for information on him (unless that was answered with the whole black-market thing). The whole black-market scenario also managed to catch my interest, and I think it added a nice mystery touch to the book, something that is always good.

The whole world you created was also quite fascinating. For instance, with the whole thing on the saviors I find very unique and different, plus I liked the thing you did with their god, on how he could change his appearance sporadically, I found that not only cook but it also felt like there was also something much deeper you were trying to showcase (or maybe that’s just me XD).

Okay other than all that, there were also some things that I think would do good with a little fixing. For instance, there are some parts where you tend to do a lot more of telling than showing which also kind of makes the story feel a bit rushed. One of the things that I think would really help in fixing this problem is reducing your abundant use of AS, I always feel like using this a lot tends to make it look more telling, for example:

AS: She stated as she drew her sword

Without AS: She stated, slowly drawing out her sword

AS: Thomas shouted as he trembled in fear

Without AS: Thomas shouted, trembling in fear

Now ignoring the fact that my punctuation on the commas may be wrong, I believe the withouts sound better because they allow you to be more immersed into the story. And there is no better experience for a reader than being able to fully get into the book and feel like you’re connecting with the characters and the story, something that is better done with showing rather than telling.

Another thing that I noticed could do with a little tweaking was your tenses, you tend to revert a lot from past tense to present, something that in the long run can make the reader get a bit confused. I saw that your main tense choice was past tense so what I’d suggest is that when you finally get down to editing you work on editing out those small instances where the tense kind of strayed from it’s original one. There were also things that I saw and pointed out while reading the chapters, and since I saw that you have yet to fully edit (such a stressful exercise that is XD) hopefully the things that I’ve pointed out can help you when you eventually do.

But apart from all that I rather found your book very unique and different, and I do hope some of the stuff that I have pointed out here actually ends up helping you in the long run. So yeah in summary it’s pretty okay so far and I wish you the best of luck in your updates.

By - Epicadrenaline