Critics column - 2

Review - 39

Title - Heart of Darkness

User - blankpolkadot

Cover:

I love the cover and how it fits with the theme and the alien race, Bezdibenis, within your story. The font is so enjoyable and it doesn’t look crowded and/or out of place. I’ve noticed that you said that the cover photo is not yours. I don’t know if that still applies or not, but thank you for letting people know that it was not your work if so.

Title:

I personally think that the title fits with the main character perfectly. It definitely gives you a creepy but definitely surprising feeling; like you know that character might not be a good guy, but at least he has a heart in the first place. Did I mentioned that I liked the font?

Summary:

Never thought I would say this, but it is too short. Yes, shorter is sweeter, but it also is to show your reader what is instore for them. What you have so far is really good, but add something about who the man character really is and maybe what he is planning to do.

Story:

I like how in the first few chapters you state the characters, some of their goals, and then introduce the problem. It was easy, solid, and an amazing way to start the story. There are a few grammar things here and there. I did notice some run on’s but I will say that you have done better than most.

One problem I did have was trying to find out who was talking. There were times where it was unclear who was saying what, even times when I didn’t know that the character dialogue had switched. Here is an example of how to write dialogue with clear separation:

(Could you make the dialogue italicized when posting it. Thank You.)

“What do you mean?” Sue asked, her hands shaking nervously.

“I mean we are over.” Bob said, looking away. Another car passed, making Sue’s hair fly into her face. “I can’t keep looking out for you. It’s exhausting.”

“But I need you!”

“I’m sorry.”

Overall:

This story is really cool and unique. It takes a totally different perspective by having the ‘villain’ be the protagonist and the plot is on that I have never seen before. There are real life feelings and situations that are handled well and realistically, rather than having a huge 180 change in the character's personality like in some other books. Like I said, there are a few grammar problems here and there, so rake through and fix those.

Rating:

8/10

By - ReviewGal