Critics column - 2

Review- 42

Troy's Last Chance

User - @Writer_Fisher

Cover:

I like it when the covers are simplistic but say so much. This one is definitely one of those covers. Except it doesn’t make sense. The cover should show what this story about. The cover shows a girl, in the ocean water, letting a bird go. From what you have so far, the said girl is in the desert and there has be no reference with a bird. This doesn’t mean this scene won’t be in the future, but your cover should connect with the reader and story at the same time.

Title:

My first thought is ‘who is Troy?’ In the summary there was no mention of a Troy, and the first few chapters don’t have a mention of a Troy either. And this bugs the hell out of me, but don’t add the apostrophe in the title. That is improper grammar all the way.

Summary:

The summary was easy to read and gave the reader an overview about what to expect. There is a huge grammar and word problem that just make no sense. Here it is:

A hidden organization of criminals-or masked heroics- who call themselves The Pinnacle, reveal themselves to her.

Even when I read it out loud it confuses me. There are many things that you can do with this sentence, even leaving it alone, but I would truthly rewrite it like this:

A hidden organization of criminals, or in this case masked heroics, reveal themselves to her as the Pinnacle.

Another problem is that you use too much pronouns in one paragraph. It gets repetitive and really boring. Plus it sounds wrong. Try switching some “she’s” with “Rhode.” P.S. articles (the, a/an) are to never be capitalized unless it is at the beginning of a sentence.

Story:

It was definitely not what I had expected. The setting was refreshing, not many books take place in a desert. Describing the setting could have been better; it was hard to imagine what was written down, and some scenes were hard to make out.

Overall:

This is definitely something that people should read. There is adventure and spicy characters. It is all lovely. Still need to fix a few things here and there. Many of what was stated above should be easy to fix and will definitely make a impact of the quality of your story.

Rating:

8/10

By - ReviewGal