Critics column - 2

Review - 19

Author: moksha29

@moksha29

Title: Insecure Emotions

The title fits the central character, Emma who is struggling to fit into both her family and a new school.

Cover:

For me, the cover has almost too much going on. The photos aren’t as clear as they could be with the banner running down the middle. Insecure Emotions is the title, but it’s not the most prominent thing on the cover. I would also alter that to make the font larger and/or the placement of the title more eye-catching.

Blurb:

It’s a popular thing on Wattpad to have a snippet of the story as the lead for your blurb. To me, that only works when the piece you choose is extremely engaging and I can’t help but read the book based on that small section. For me, this piece of the text doesn’t do that. I would probably pick a different part of the book to highlight or omit that entirely.

The blurb also reveals that Cameron and Lisa will break up. To me, that’s a bit of a spoiler. I might, instead, indicate in the blurb that Lisa, Cameron’s girlfriend, causes trouble for Emma and Cameron or is jealous of Emma and Cameron’s instant connection. At the moment (only four chapters in), the will they/won’t they to Emma and Cameron would keep me turning the pages. It would be a shame if the blurb gave that aspect away too clearly.

Overall:

There are several apologies for the draft of the novel (spelling, grammar, plotting, etc) before a reader actually starts reading. I could cut this back to one, if at all, and leave it with something about it being the first draft. If you want to improve through reader comments, you could also ask that people leave polite but helpful comments if they see something that could be improved. It’s sometimes hard to get people to comment, and as a writer, it’s one of my favourite things to receive. That’s your choice, though.

I’m not sure I’d start the novel with a lengthy description of what she’s wearing, why she’s wearing it, why she’ll get in trouble, etc. A lot of that can come out while she’s speaking to her sister and her parents. The mirror reflection isn’t the strongest start. It’s always better to start a novel with characters doing something and build in the details around that action.

Throughout the chapters I read, I could easily feel and understand Emma’s sadness and isolation. I think you capture both of those feelings quite well.

It would be nice to have some backstory on why Natalie is loved and Emma is not. In another chapter, Emma indicates that she doesn’t know why her parents don’t feel the same way about her that they do Natalie. It would be nice if the reader had some hints to help them understand the parents’ point of view (even if readers don’t agree with it).

Cameron’s girlfriend seems like trouble. She’s immediately set up as another antagonist (along with the parents) so that Emma is facing conflict at home and at school.

I liked that Emma’s punishment of going to a new school might actually be a saving grace in that she’s coming out of her shell, being more assertive, making new friends, etc. It also allows her to get out of her sister’s shadow somewhere, which is good for her and for the narrative.

When Emma relates her parents' issues/treatment of her to Cameron, I expected a little more of a reaction from him. Does he assume she’s kidding? Is she joking? I think I’d be tempted to add a couple details there to clarify if Emma is playfully bantering with him or if she’s revealing something deeply personal and traumatizing.

I would be tempted to move details of the setting into the first chapter. I didn’t know the story was set in Canada or in Ottawa until the fourth chapter. You don’t need anything extreme to get you there, but weather, seasonal hints, etc can at least give the reader some sense of roughly where the story might be set.

I hope some of this is helpful. Keep writing! We all start somewhere.

RElizabethM