Cold Feet (COMPLETED)

White Rose

In the tradition of all my past stories, I am providing a back story for Marian, to complete the narrative on Dei's life. I'd like to give you a glimpse of what happened to marian and how she met Teddy, Dei's father. This is the back story before the reveal, when finally, mother and daughter will see each other for the first time.

I always believed that we are what we make of our lives, regardless of the hardships and challenges we face. We can either be positive and move on with our lives, or live in the past and be bitter about life. We are in control of our own baggage, we can consider them heavy or light.

I remember a conversation with my husband, when he asked me how I can still be cheerful despite my challenges at work. I told him it was a choice of working with a light heart or feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. So I'd go with what would make me feel better, right?

What's your opinion on this? Will challenges make or break you? Did Marian let her loss change her?  Let me know in the comments section :)

University Belt, 1991

It was raining hard and Marian forgot to bring her umbrella again. All she had as shield against the rain was her plastic envelope containing her enrolment forms and class schedules. She quickly ran for cover at the college gym, gingerly pulling her shirt from clinging to her body. The thin yellow shirt clearly showed the outline of her pink brassiere and the low waistline of her bootleg jeans, which were also also soaking wet.

She used the envelope to cover her chest, praying that the rain would stop soon. It was only a short walk to her dormitory, but curfew was at 9:30 PM and the landlady was really strict. She regretted having dinner on campus with her friends, losing track of the time.

A group of rowdy male students came out of the gym and noticed her waiting. They approached, trying to engage in a conversation with her but she refused to talk to them, scared as she was not used to being in the company of boys. They took offense at her aloofness, grabbing her arm to force her into coming with them. Thankfully she broke free from their grasp and ran, straight into the arms of another guy trying to shield himself from the rain.

"Please....." She appealed to him, shivering with fear. "Pretend that we know each other. Don't let them take me, please...."

He looked at her gently, and pulled her behind him, facing the group of boys. It seemed the boys knew him and apologized, quickly running into the rain.

"Thank you," she said, smiling shyly.

"I'll stay with you until the rain stops," He said, smiling at her. "I'm Teddy, by the way."

"Marian." They shook hands, a jolt of electricity traveled from his hand to hers.

He waited for 30 minutes with her and walked her to the dorm, making sure she went inside safely before leaving. That night, she dreamed of him, remembering how protective he was of her, how gentle his arms were around her when he shielded her from the boys.

They didn't see each other again till classes started, and Marian was shocked that he was not a student but was instead her Philosophy instructor. He asked her out for afternoon snacks and she happily went with him, liking him more and more as she got to know him.

The attraction between them was strong, it was something they were too weak to avert. She had no experience with boys, and he was her first love, the very first man to hold her heart captive. He was a budding lawyer, trapped in an arranged marriage with a mousy-looking wife and an infant daughter. Marian was his escape, his breath of fresh air.

All it took were two nights of unprotected intimacy, when he gently took and made her his in the house his parents left for him. He found a room for her and made it their love nest, giving her his time but fiercely guarded his secret, afraid that she would leave him.

When she started exhibiting signs of morning sickness, he loved her all the more. They both wanted to have this baby. He took better care of her, spending more and more time with her off campus. But their happiness is short-lived. The landlady called her parents and informed them of Marian's absence at the dorm. From the university, her parents forcibly took their six-months pregnant daughter and hid her in a beach house they owned in Mactan, until it was time for her to give birth.

They shattered her dreams, telling her that Teddy merely toyed with her feelings, that he was a married man with a child of his own, and he would never leave his wife for her. She waited in vain for him to come for her, not knowing that her parents refused to see him or talk to him, and threatened to sue him. They took her to an obscure maternity clinic and broke her spirit by making her believe the baby was stillborn.

She was never the same again, not after losing her baby and the man she loved.

-----

December 9, 2017

Marian woke up bright and early to cook breakfast for her children. She loved mornings, when the only sounds heard were the chirping of birds and the occasional crowing of roosters here in the lush greenery that has been her home for the past 20 years.

She started frying eggs, sunny side up as the kids liked it. She heated the bread in the oven, fried the hotdogs and arranged the fruit on the table. Just as she was setting the plates on the table, the morning chaos starts.

The kids wake up one by one, all twenty of them. Her "strays," children abandoned by their parents, kids in need of tender loving care. She devoted half of her life to loving these children with all her heart, in memory of her lost baby.

They told her it was a beautiful baby girl who looked exactly like her, at least that's what the midwife told her. She would be twenty-five years old by now, probably with a job of her own, a husband or a boyfriend, who would hopefully love her as much as she deserved to be loved.

She began to tear up again, as she always does when she remembers her daughter. She tries to console herself, thinking maybe it was for the best that she passed on, instead of living to be an adult, and have her heart broken the way she experienced. She wiped away her tears and hugged back the frail body that clung to her, kissing the cheek of Maya, a little girl brought to her by Social Welfare.

Marian watched her foster children with fondness, happy that some of them were already gaining weight. Their ages ranged from four to sixteen, with the older kids helping her take care of the younger ones. They would be tending the garden after breakfast, helping out with her cutflower business, her source of income to sustain this foster care project.

She sat down with them and drank coffee from her mug, laughing when one of the children tickled her. She hugged the little bugger, kissing the small pixie face with his egg yolk mustache. These children were her life, her savior. Without them, she would have gotten insane.

"Marian, Tito Archie is here."

"Really? Hmm, it isn't time to meet with the grants people yet."

"He has some visitors with him. Yan, the young girl looks so much like you."

She didn't know why, but her heart thundered suddenly and her knees weakened.