What was Lost and Found in the Fire

Ch. 18 Swirl of Guilt and Anxiety

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Kayli's/Kay'ari's POV

Location: Lockheart Estate

Date: October

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I stare at the back of my brother's head as he slowly maneuvers the car through the Lockheart Estate.

A panic attack is looming in my near future but between the tight hold Cyan has on my hand the whole ride, the dark cap of hair on my brother's head, and the heaving breath Bardavon has been blowing in my ear, I'm just barely keeping it at bay.

Loretta lets out a steady commentary on the specifics of the land, pointing out the stone cottages that could pass for fairytale princess homes, and pretty little gardens we pass every so often.

I feel like screaming every time she opens her mouth.

Something has happened to my kids. Leninora is either dead or kidnapped. The whole entirety of the Mav family is out in the world...just waiting to leap out of the shadows and cut us down. 

And now my brother is here, making himself a big fat target in the middle of a cluster-fuck of epic proportions. 

I'd promised myself that even if I had family out there, I would keep them out of my mess. I would never go out and search for the brother that Leninora told me I had. She'd made it sound like he hadn't looked for me at all, and yet here he was.

My stomach churns at the thought of Dontavion or Rodney finding out about him.

 That leads me to thoughts of what the Mav's are plotting and the idea of their revenge brings up the issue that they probably have my kids, and I almost start to wretch.

Guilt mixes with nausea at the realization that the only person I can blame for whatever happened to my kids falls on me. 

I should have done a better job of protecting them. I should never have left them, though honestly I couldn't have let Cyan run off on her own either. 

I can't blame Lorraine or Loretta. Despite the fact that I left the kids with them, trusting them to watch over and protect them, it was my actions that put the kids in the Mav's sights. 

I should have dragged all of them off with me. Or left the forest earlier. Or something. 

I'm broken from my spiral of guilt by Cyan pushing the car door open and shoving me out so she can scramble out too.

I shoot her a look and she flushes but shrugs and glances at the building in front of us with a mixture of worry and anxiety.

It hits me that she must be just as crazy worried as I am and more guilt builds up. 

I push the emotions threatening to swallow me whole to the side and reach out to grab her hand again.

We take a few steps away from the car, and take in the castle before us. Bardavon leaps out of the car and shoots off, most likely to mark his new territory.

"This is the community house," Loretta says, as she and Lorraine stroll up to us. "The kids are inside, and we can talk in private here."

It really is a castle, with stone and green stained glass making up the huge monstrosity. Metal spires spear the sky high above our heads and large winged gargoyles look down at us from their perches.

It all looks straight out of an old medieval movie; taking it all in it is more than a little overwhelming.

Lorraine and Loretta finally lead us up the driveway and to a large stone staircase that heads us further up to a huge metal door with glass detailing.