Daniel Howell Imagines

Supermarket Flowers

A/N: tbh this was really hard for me to write because it reminded me of when my Aunty died back in November and that was a really hard time for me, but I did it (also pls forgive me if I got anything wrong I haven't been to an actual funeral in like 14 years we do things differently where I'm from)

Genre: angst

Word Count: 798 words

Warnings: death

Song(s) used: Supermarket Flowers - Ed Sheeran

Dans P.O.V

I take a deep sigh in, as my hands were shaking, taking the supermarket flowers down from the windowsill, throwing old tea down the sink, from visitors that had been around.

I take a quick glance around and find the place empty, lonely, and quiet. It's never been this quiet. It's never been this empty. It's never been this lonely.

"Dan, honey are you okay?" I heard a quiet voice from behind me, I turn around and saw (Y/N). I tried to be as strong as I could around her, but things are hard. I glanced down to my hands and found a photo album my cousin Mathew had made; memories of a life that's been loved, and I couldn't help but let a stream of tears fall down.

"I can't do this" I admitted weakly, my sobs becoming more prominent. I sit on the couch and put my head in my hands, letting even more tears fall, and more sobs escape my mouth.

"Come on Dan, it's time to go. I'll drive." (Y/N) coaxed me softly, putting a hand on my cheek and wiping a tear from the side of my face. But I just could t bring myself to do it.

"I can't yet, I haven't properly tidied up. Everything needs to be clean how she wants it." I get up abruptly, grabbing all of the get well soon cards, throwing those out, and putting all of the stuffed teddy bears into the storage cupboard.

I stacked up all of the chairs in the dining room like mum would always tell me to do, fluffed all of the pillows in the house, just how she liked.

"Dan, please." I looked at (Y/N) as she stood in the corner of the room, with tears in her eyes, but they weren't half as bad as the tears in my eyes. "Dan, I know this is hard for you, it's hard on me too. But everyone is waiting for us at the service. It's time to go." (Y/N) said softly. Everyone has been quite soft spoken around me, maybe afraid that I'll break, but it's too late, I've already broken. And with that, I fell straight to my knees, and cried the hardest I had ever cried in my life.

"This can't be real. This can't be happening. She has to come back. She's coming home, this can't be happening." I cried to myself, repeating those words over and over again.

I just don't know what I'm going to do without my mum around.

"Babe, I know it's hard, it's really hard. But she's in a better place. She's not in pain anymore. She's happy again, and she'll always be looking down on you, watching how proud you're making her." (y/n) was right, she always is. I looked at her and gave her a teary smile, got up and wiped my face.

"Let's go then." I nodded towards her, and took a deep breathe in and out. And with that, we both headed out of the door, driving to the cemetery, where the service would be held.

Death is hard to deal with. But in my opinion the worst day is the burial day, because that's the last time you'll ever be with that person, once they're in the ground, they're gone forever.

And that's my mum in the ground, and I'm not okay with never seeing her ever again. I'm not okay with never being able to talk to her when I needed her. I'm not okay with never spending another Christmas with her. I'm not okay with her being gone.

She was an angel; an angel in the shape of my mum. And she was always there for me when I needed her, she would be there holding me up when I was down. She got to see the person that I had become, and she was proud of my success. And she saw the world in a wonderful way, and even though for the past 26 years of my life, I had always seen the world as a horrid place, but she never did; and I hope that one day I'll be able to see the world like she did.

"And when god took you back, he said 'hallelujah you're home'"