Daniel Howell Imagines

Cheating (Part One)

A/N: remember the dude i had a crush on two years ago that had a girlfriend? Yeah? Well this is about him

Genre: angsty angst

Word Count: 867 words

Pairing: Dan Howell x Reader

Started: 13/11/2018 12:16am
Finished: 26/11/2018 20:59pm

One thing I will never understand is how one human being could cheat on another human being, let alone cheat on someone that you yourself have wanted for so long. Someone who deserves nothing but happiness and love, but is instead being cheated on by his girlfriend.

Dan has always been a good friend of mine in this YouTube industry, it's kind of a professional relationship, but a goofy professional relationship; kind of confusing but let's just roll with it, I mean you know how YouTube is.

For almost the last 3 years, I've had a crush on Daniel, but I only really realised how big it was 6 months after the crush had already developed. As you could guess, by that point I could feel myself going into a downwards spiral, falling deeper in love with him. And for so long, he was all I ever wanted.

Cliche, I know.

For a solid year, I would talk to all my friends about him and the conversations he and I would have, hoping to god that they could see the flirtiness in some of his texts; hoping to god that there was a possibility of him liking me back.

Then one day in September 2016, I found out he had a girlfriend. Just like that my whole world came crashing down on me. I started feeling emotions I didn't realise I was allowed or even able to feel. Was I angry? Jealous? Upset? All of them at the same time? Was it even okay for me to be feeling these kinds of emotions?

After that revelation I tried my hardest to get over him, knowing it was wrong to be going after somebody's boyfriend; I didn't want to feel like I could possibly be getting in the way of something that was so good and amazing for this boy that made me feel all those things and more. So I pulled back, removed myself from the situation and cut back the communication. I didn't know what else I could do.

It's been two years since then and I thought, I wholeheartedly believed or wanted to believe that I was over him and that that part of my life was over. Of course just as that started to become truth I get pulled back down into this sea of feeling and emotion with the whisper that his girlfriend; his amazing, loving, always there for him, better than me girlfriend had been committing fully adulterated infidelity. She was cheating on him. Every bone in my body was struck with a new emotion or question.

Confusion. How could this happen to him? Had he done something? How could someone I adore and love so dearly have this kind of betrayal thrown at them?

Anger. What the fuck is wrong with this girl? Does she not realise what she has? Does she not know how many people would kill for what she has? Is she stupid? Clearly.

Most of all though, was grief. Is this my moment? Could this be my time for a fairytale moment? Would he even be able to open his eyes and appreciate who was standing with him in this time? Would he even leave?

I wouldn't wish this sort of thing on my worst enemy let alone a boy that was this level of kind, genuine, and caring. I've seen people completely change because of cheating. I've seen trust issues break a person for years. All I could think was how I wanted to protect him from that. How could somebody do those kinds of things to somebody like him?

How do I even bring this kind of conversation up to him? It's not like i can casually call him and say "Hey! How you doing? Oh! I heard your girlfriends cheating on you by the way, you should totally leave her." Would he even believe me if I told him? What would he think? Would he think it's just some elaborate prank? Would he think it's just his friends starting shit and trying to ruin his relationship? Or, deep down, does he already know?

How do I talk to him about it? Do i drop hints into our group chat? Offer to see him in real life and then hit him with it? Or, i could go with the most logical answer and just tell him straight, but i would never be able to do it over the phone. It would absolutely have to be face to face and I couldn't dare tear him down like that. The thought alone was terrifying.

What would Dan even think of me if I were to tell him? Would he think i was making shit up just to make myself look more appealing to him? Would he think I was trying to get in the way of what he perceived as a 'perfect' relationship? Should it even be coming from me?