Lights Off [h.s]

Chapter 17 - The City of Love (Part l)

Why did I do that? Why?!

Nobody knew that about me. Nobody had ever gotten me to say one thing about my past until yesterday. Not even Reagan who I saw as a little sister knows!

How was it possible that Harry Styles out of all people would be the person I told.

What the hell was wrong with me?

My breathing was becoming un-even, my hands were beginning to become sweaty and all I could think about doing was sitting down, so I did. There on the cold bathroom floor of the airplane I pulled my legs up to my chest and cried. I could hear knocks on the door but tried to zone them out because right now I had to be alone somehow on this flight filed with people.

"Rian please open the door." Reagan pleaded.

I didn't respond.

"C'mon Ri, let us know you're okay." Niall knocked.

Trying to stand I lean my body on the mirror and look at myself. I was a mess. There was almost something eerie about the paleness of my face.. it reminded me of the first time I found out I was adopted. To think I was only twelve when that happened, and that my family was messed up enough to let me know at such a young age. I guess it only made sense for me to loose control of my life in high school and become mad at the world even when deep down inside I knew that wasn't who I was.

C'mon Rian.

Turning on the faucet I splash my face with water and shake my head.

"Rian please answer me!" Reagan now yelled.

I am a better person than I was before. Look at me know, managing one of the countries biggest actresses and even going across the world to shoot a music video I helped write. So maybe I told Harry about me being adopted, no big deal right? I didn't tell him everything and anyways, I think I sort of trust him..

"I'm okay!" I finally respond "J-just give me a second.."

Grabbing a few paper towels I quickly dry my face and throw them into the waste basket. Opening the door I find all bunched together; Reagan, Niall and Louis with concerned faces. Even Paul was standing close by keeping an eye on all of us as I step out of the bathroom.

"Why are you all standing here, someone might see you from Coach." I shake my head.

"We were worried." Niall frowned.

"Worried and scarred. Rian do you want to talk?" Reagan asked grabbing my hand.

"No no, guys i'm okay. Promise." I smile. "Please go sit and give Paul a break."

"You sure?" Louis finally chimes in.

"Mhh, now can everyone start walking? This hallway is sorta crowded." I laugh.

They all take a moment to look at me like i'm crazy before deciding to drop all of this and walk to their seats. I mean if there was one thing about me people didn't know it was on how good I am at hiding my emotions.

"Louis wait." I whisper.

I make sure Reagan and Niall were back at their seats before I speak.

"I wont tell anybody." Louis speaks before I do.

"I know you wont, for some strange reason I feel like I can trust all of you.." I confess.

"You can, especially Harry. You know he sort of-"

"Don't. Please i'm still trying to figure out how I feel about him.. oh my- I cant believe i'm telling you this." I cover my mouth.

"Ha-ha! Don't worry love." he then pretends to zip up his lips "I wont tell a soul, I can be like your confidant."