Redemption [h.s]

twenty-five

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snoop around" I replied, trying to keep my voice from trembling, afraid of how he would've reacted.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, before opening them again. "It's okay, I guess. You would've seen them at some point anyway. I just didn't think it would've been so soon."

I walked closer to him and put one of my hands on his cheek, hoping to reassure him. "I'm not going to leave you, if that's what you're worried about" I said calmly.

He lingered in the touch a bit more before turning his head to the window, realising that the sun had come out, even though it was still covered by the clouds. "We should have breakfast" he suggested, heading to the kitchen.

I followed him like a lost puppy and watched as he started taking out two cups. "I can make the tea" I offered wanting to feel useful, walking next to him.

He looked at me, and gave me a small smile. "I guess I don't have much to eat in here, I've never been one to eat a lot in the morning."

I took a fast look around the kitchen and retrieved a packet of biscuits. "You have cookies, nothing to worry about" I reassured him.

He opened the packet and put some cookies on a plate, setting it in the middle of the small table, and I soon followed with the tea and sugar. We started eating silently, none of us daring to break the silence.

"I'm not suicidal" he said after a while, hesitating a bit before looking up. "That's what people always think right away, so I just wanted to clear that up."

"Why are you taking them?" I asked him quietly.

He sighed. "They just help me through the day... Coping with stuff, I guess."

I took a sip from my tea, smiling to myself a bit thinking of how I'd grown accustomed to having that instead of coffee in the morning, and only because of him. "What kind of stuff?" I dared to ask.

"You know what kind of stuff" he replied, seeming to grow more and more nervous as the conversation continued.

Understanding that I couldn't have got much more out of him, I decided to stop questioning him.

When we finished eating, I helped him to clean everything up, and we went into the living room. We sat next to each other on the couch, and it wasn't until a few moments later that I realised he was staring at something. I followed his gaze to the small bottles on the shelf over the television. After a while he stood up, he gathered them into his hands and made his way to what I supposed was the bathroom. When he returned, he was empty-handed. I felt something tugging at my heart as I realised he had hidden them from my view. As if he thought it would've been better if I didn't see them around, or as if he was embarrassed, or felt violated. He sat next to me again, acting as if he had never left my side.

"I think you should call Gemma. She must be quite worried, given how we left last night" I advised him, looking at him.

He tilted his head towards me. "I'll do it later, I don't really fancy having her all over the place or something at the moment."

"Calling it a day in?" I asked him.

"Kind of like that" he replied, "I like to be around you" he added, and a warm feeling spread through me at his words.