Redemption [h.s]

forty-five

We all have those moments in which we just need to stop and figure out what our life is becoming. Those moments, in which too many things are happening in the same second, and it seems so hard, almost impossible, to keep up.

So there I was. Without even noticing, I was already halfway through December. Christmas was coming up, and I absolutely had no idea of what to do about it. I knew I wanted to spend it with Harry, but I didn't know how. I had said I wanted to give him an amazing Christmas, for the first time in so many years, but I didn't know how to do it. Because for the first time in my life, I didn't know how to spend it in the first place. I surely couldn't have spent it with Liam and Niall, and I couldn't have spent it with my family, because it would've meant that I would've left Harry alone. And that honestly wasn't an option.

Other than that, Louis was at it again. I had seen him around many times, almost anywhere Harry and I went. I couldn't understand how he'd manage to always find us, and I had no intention to ask him. I would always take Harry's hand and go somewhere else, most of the times he wouldn't even notice that Louis was there. Sometimes, though, he would. He wouldn't say a word, but I could see it in his eyes, that he had seen him. I still hadn't told him what Gemma had told me. I knew I should've, but I just couldn't. He already had so many things to think about, I didn't want to make him worry even more. I just couldn't have him going around thinking that Louis wanted to murder him, it would've put way too much stress on him. I just hoped I would've not regretted it.

I rang the doorbell, and Gemma came to open.

"Hi Grace" she said, "finally we managed to meet up alone."

"Yeah, it's good" I replied stepping into the house.

She closed the door behind me, and leaned against it. "So, why are we here?"

"Harry told me what happened that night" I said.

She didn't reply right away. For a few seconds, she just stared at me, pondering what to say. Then, she just resorted to nodding. "I know."

"I was thinking..." I started, but then stopped, not really knowing how to say it, realising that what I had thought was a brilliant idea sounded quite stupid when said out loud. "You said that Louis isn't a bad person. And Harry said the same."

"I'm not really sure about that now" she replied, moving away from the door. "What were you thinking about?" She asked, starting to understand where I wanted to go.

"I mean... Harry has never told me directly, but from what I understood Louis is following him wherever he goes, in that sick and twisted way of his."

She raised an eyebrow. "It's true, but I don't really see what you're hinting at here."

"What I mean is, Louis isn't crazy. He's doing it because he thinks it's Harry's fault if Alice died."

"That's true as well."

"But you said it wasn't his fault" I continued.

She sat on the couch. "In fact, it was not."

"What would happen if we found a way to prove that it wasn't his fault to Louis?"

A small silence followed.

"I've never..." She started, bringing her knees to her chest, "I've never thought about that, actually."

"You said he's not a bad person, so... What if he decided to leave Harry alone? If he actually was as good as you both say, and he knew it wasn't Harry's fault... He'd leave him alone, wouldn't he?"

"I don't know. He's scared me quite a lot lately. But maybe he would. How do we do that, though?"

"I have no idea" I admitted, "I was hoping you'd help with that."

"Maybe newspapers? Or... Of course! The accident report!" She exclaimed, sitting up straighter.

"Are they still around? It's been some years since it happened. And how exactly would you get them?"

"Of course they still exist! And I don't know, but like, Harry had the accident, and he's my brother, so there has to be a way for me to get my hands on those."

"I think you'd have to ask Harry" I replied.

"I think my dad might have a copy somewhere. I mean, Harry was underage when it happened. There has to be something in the house." She stopped talking and looked at the ground for a few seconds. "Harry! Grace, you're a genius!"

"What are you talking about?" I asked her, confused.

"We could not only show Louis what truly happened... We could do it with Harry as well" she suggested.

My eyes widened. "I really don't think that's a good idea" I said, realising what she wanted to do.

"He's been thinking it was his fault for so long, Grace. I just want to show him it really wasn't."

"I understand you, but I really don't think that showing him stuff from the accident will be of any help. Don't you think that he'll probably just... I don't know, freak out? Or relapse?"

"I think it's the only way to make him move on once and for all. If he keeps thinking it was his fault, he will never let it go. It's destroying him" she explained, "I just need to make sure he knows."

I looked at the Christmas tree in the corner. Its fairy lights were shining, enlightening the room of yellow and red intermittently.

"Gemma" I decided to ask her.

"Yeah?"

"Does Harry have any help? You know, professional help?" I asked.

"He used to" was her reply, "But I don't think he's going anymore. Why?"

"It's just... I really want to help him. But I feel like I just can't do that. I don't think I'm qualified enough to do that" I admitted, not taking my eyes off the tree.

She sighed. "I don't think we can really help him. Believe me, I tried. It's not been easy to see him go through what he went through. It was... He wouldn't tell me. He was completely alone, even if I was always there. I would feel him slip out of my fingers more and more every day, and there was nothing I could do about it. I thought I would've lost him at some point. It just seemed so impossible that things could actually get better, you know? The point is, he's the only one that can help himself. We can just be there for him, you know... Keeping him close on his bad days, making sure he doesn't do anything stupid... Things like that."

"I just want him to be happy" I said, "Right now, I'm scared that he will just... Break, at some point."

She nodded. "He's quite fragile. He's not always been like that, but all the things that happened really did a number on him. He gets hurt easily... I know you noticed." She turned to look at me. "Please don't hurt my brother" she whispered, drying her eyes, that had become glossy while she was speaking, with the hem of her shirt.

"I would never."

"Anyway, I'll see if I can get that report. That would be of great help to us. Have you seen Louis recently?" She asked, changing topic.

"I've seen him literally everywhere, and so did Harry. This situation is really creeping me out" I replied.

"Just make sure he stays as far away from Harry as possible. I'll try to find that copy." She looked at me, and smiled. "You know what, I actually feel like I have a plan for once. I think I like that."