Sinclaire Academy: Untold Stories

The lowest of low

Matagal ko nang hinintay na bisitahin ako ni Audrina Danielle sa panaginip.

After the whole Death's bargain ordeal, I thought I lost my chance.

I felt a little jealous after finding out she was connecting with Adrianna through the dream land.

She's already in Ember yet she still won't spare me a few minutes of her time.

She was dead set on doing her last job, I was here waiting in the shadows. Waiting for her to visit me. Kahit isang beses lang. Iyon lang ang paulit-ulit na hiling ko because seeing her in Celeste's body wasn't enough.

I need to see the real her. I need to see the girl I loved.

And now she finally did.

Her brown eyes were shining while she was walking through the meadow filled with colorful flowers. She wasn't speaking to me, sinasabi lang ng mata niya na sundan ko siya, and I did. I followed her like a fool, heart beating fast, chest tightening as I called her name over and over.

Hindi siya sumasagot.

I tried to reach out and touch her but everytime I get close, she slips away.

Even in dreams, Audrina Patridge remains unreachable.

"Aydee," I tried calling her with her nickname and this time she stops.

Audrina's bright eyes locks with mine and she smiles.

"You're doing a great job, Cain." She said.

"Aydee!" My voice echoed because she was too far but I heard her voice loud and clear.

My heart yearned to hear that voice for a very long time.

"Live your life like the way you're supposed to. Don't let anything hold you back."

"Aydee!" I called her again, panicking because she was starting to fade.

I shot to my feet, running to get to her before she's gone again.

Naka ngiti pa rin siya but I saw the sadness in her eyes. Unti-unti niyang inangat ang kamay niya para abutin rin ako.

I thought everything I felt for her faded when I fell for Adri. Hindi pala. All it took was for me to see her again para bumalik ang lahat.

A slow agonizing moment passed before my hand finally reached hers.

I felt it.

The soft skin I haven't gotten to hold for years. The cool metal around her finger from the ring I gave her on her last birthday with our family crest...

My eyes burned after realizing she finally wore it after telling her to keep it hidden because it was for her eyes only.

She wore it the night she died.

Why I didn't know this before was beyond me. The simple realization that she died and took my gift with her had me in tears.

But the first tear that fell did not come from me.

It came from her.

I grip her hand tigthter as she cries.

Give me this time, Universe. Let me hold her kahit sandali lang.

"Let me go, Cain." She pleads. "Let me go..."

"I can't..." I choked.

"I can't leave if don't let me go..."

"Aydee I can't," I fell down on my knees, crying. "I don't want to."

I was addicted to the memory of her and that seems to be holding her back. For years I wished for us to be reunited sa kahit ano mang paraan pero hindi ganito. Ayokong bumitaw.

"Wag ka na umalis," I begged like a child.

Hindi ako madalas nanghihingi ng kapalit sa mga mabuting bagay na ginawa ko but I'm asking this time, to whoever controls time and space, ibigay niyo na sa'kin ang oras na 'to. Wag niyo siya hayaang umalis.

"I have to, Cain." Her soft hand touches my cheek. "Kailangan ko na umalis. Tapos na ako sa mundo niyo."

"But we need you. I need you."

"You don't, Cain. You lived your life without me and look how far you've come..." She wipes my tears but hers kept on falling. "You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved."

I kept holding on to her hand, afraid she'll fade any second. I focused on her voice. The voice that kept me on track all these years.

I understand how I'm holding her back but my mind can't grasp the fact that she'll be gone for good.

After finding out she haven't crossed yet, my stupid heart hoped there's possibility she might be coming back. The odds may be little but I held on to that small chance.

Kasalanan ko, oo. Kasalanan ko na maniwala at umasa sa maliit na chance na 'yon.

I wish I had the power to stop time. I wish I can keep this dream on loop. Kahit na masakit, basta nakikita ko siya, nahahawakan, ayos lang. Ganon naman ako noong buhay pa siya. I was fine seeing her kahit na wala siya sa tabi ko.

Seeing and feeling her alive slowly eases the pain.

"Kahit gaano ka pa tumagal dito, kahit ano pa ang sabihin mo sa sarili mo, kahit gaano pa karami ang makilala mo... if you keep living in the past, in the memory where I'm alive, you'll go anywhere but forward." She lowers our hands and slowly detaches hers from mine.

I felt weak. Hinayaan ko siyang paghiwalayin ang kamay naming dalawa. Hinayaan kong lumayo siya sa'kin. Hinayaan ko siyang maglaho ulit.

This time I know I won't be seeing her again.

"Do this for yourself. Let go, Cain. Let go..."

I woke up sweating after that, eyes burning from unshed tears from the dream I had. I clutched the hand that held her for the last time and vividly remembered everything in my mind.

Inalala ko lahat ng nangyari.

From the day I met her till the day I lost her.

I'm letting you go, Aydee. But please let me keep the memory of you. Iyon nalang ang meron ako...

At four am, alone in my room, alone with my thoughts, I let myself cry.

Once again, I found myself in a low moment.

The lowest of low.