Shades of Blue [h.v.c]

chapter 1

chapter one
the first session

october 3 2017

"okay, let's get started. hello everyone and welcome to support group. does anyone want to start and introduce themselves?" i look around the room and of course, no one volunteered.

"okay i guess i'll start. my name is john, i grew up in LA and moved to korea to start a career that i never ended up doing. university told me i was good enough, sent me here and when i applied, nothing. i got slipped into depression and self hatred then went on to teach little kids english in school. kids make me happy and that's why i'm better today." he smiled "okay who's next?" he asked looking around the room.

the boy beside him raised his hand making john smile. "alright, go ahead." john smiled "what do i do?" the blonde boy asked "just tell us your name, where you grew up, how old you are, and your story." he told the boy and he nodded.

"um hi, my name is lee jihoon, you can call me jihoon if you want... i'm 20 years old even though i look 12, i'm in love with music and that's why i'm in here today. when i was 15 i was bullied for being shorter, my voice being more high pitched and me looking 5 instead of 15. i would spend lunches and spare time working on music and kids would bully me even more for being a 'music nerd'. i've had depression for 5 years now and i'm slowly getting better."

"and what shade of blue are you today?" john asked jihoon. the fuck? "i beg your pardon?" jihoon looked at john strangely.

"if you were a shade of blue, based on how you were feeling today, what shade of blue would you be?" he asked again while jihoon sat back and thought for a bit. "sapphire blue." he answered "sapphire blue- that's very specific." john commented. we went around the circle and met more and more people.

seungcheol is 22 and has had depression for two years because he got bullied at school and at home for looking like a fish and being 'ugly' when he clearly wasn't. he was feeling sky blue today.

jeonghan is 21 and has had depression for six years because he got bullied for years and years for looking like a girl and always getting misgendered, his dad went to prison for beating up some high school students after finding out his son almost killer himself for being teased about looking like a boy. he is feeling steel blue apparently.

seungkwan is 19 and has had depression for a year now. the boy is skinny but his face is a little round so kids at school called him fat and told him he looked like a bobble head all through his last year of high school. in the year book they labeled him as 'boo'ble head seungkwan, thinking that they were being punny or something. he is feeling baby blue today.

junhui and minghao were both bullied for the same reason, they're chinese boys living in korea. they've both been depressed for four years and actually know each other. they went to high school together and the only friends they had was each other. jun is 21 and is feeling turkish blue while minghao is 20 and is feeling turquoise.

mingyu is 20 and has a dark childhood. he was abused while growing up and he was always terrified to go home. the only thing that did bring him home was his love for his record player and the love for his mother. he's been depressed for four years and is feeling yale blue.

joshua is 21 and was born and grew up in LA. in high school, he started getting bullied for being korean and people would mock the way he would speak even though he spoke just like the rest of them. he plays guitar and apparently he can play it well, kids would always ask him how he could see the strings and sheet music because "asians can't see". he's been depressed since 7th grade and is feeling baby blue today.

soonyoung is 21 and has had depression for three years. people in high school always bugged him about the way his eyes where and it never ever bothered him until his sophomore year when he liked a girl and his biggest bully persuaded her to not date him because the way his eyes were. he is feeling olympic blue today.

and finally, the only other girl that was there with me, madelaine.

madelaine is my age, 18 years old, goes to my school, and is in her last year of high school. when her and her family moved to korea in her first year of high school people would always bug her because she was white and fat compared to the skinny, maybe to skinny asian kids. she weighed 158 pounds which isn't even fat. she would be bullied for being obsessed with people on youtube when everyone else would be obsessed with anime or kpop groups so people considered her a freak. madelaine is feeling navy blue today.

"and finally, what about you?" john asked. no no no no. i don't want to share. "oh actually, what's your name?" he asked me "roslyn." i said, my voice barley above a whisper "roslyn we are unfortunately out of time for the first session of the year, when we come back on wednesday, you can start us off okay?" he asked and i nodded "um sure."

"okay, great session today guys. i'm glad i got to know most of you." he smiled and dismissed us. i quickly got up, grabbed my little back pack and left
the chapel of the local elementary school where john teaches.

i quickly make my way outside and pull out my phone, texting my dad.

me:
can you come pick me up from this shitty support group YOU put me in?

dad:
you know i did it because you are my world
and i'm stuck at the office, will you be able to walk?

me:
fuckkk
i guess

dad:
watch ur mouth

me:
sorry my dude

everyone from support group starts getting picked up or starts leaving themselves. i wish i had a car. i have my license i just don't have a car cause my sorry ass is poor.

when i finally decide to walk home i get stopped. "hey, roslyn right?" joshua came up to me and i nodded "yeah, hey." i said under my breath. "oh roslyn, it's nice to meet you in a actual normal way." jeonghan came up to me and smiled.

"so you have any plans?" joshua asked. "um no actually i'm about to get picked up to go home." i tell them. "you can always come with jeonghan and i, i'm already driving jeonghan, we hit it off and we're going to hang out, you can join us if you want." joshua offered. a small smile formed on my lips.

"thank you for the offer, joshua, it was sweet of you but my dad should be here any minute and i really just want to go home and watch some riverdale." i smiled at him and he nodded. "okay, see you wednesday." he smiled "bye roslyn." jeonghan smiled while walking with joshua to his car.

i wave goodbye as they drive away. i wait until the car is long gone and i start walking back to my house.

don't get me wrong. joshua and jeonghan are very sweet and very cute but i don't want to get close to anyone else, just to get stabbed in the back. i hate troubling people, being a burden.

as i was walking home, day slowly started to turn into night. the sky was painted pink, orange, a hint of blue and purple. i felt a couple raindrops fall on my head and i just shrugged.

at least it's not raining.

i heard thunder and it started pouring... spoke to soon. i walked faster and faster, getting completely soaked. i heard a car honk at me and pull up next to me. "see i knew we should've came back." jeonghan smiled from the backseat as joshua rolled down his window.

"get in." joshua smiled at me. "i wouldn't want to impose. i'm sorry." i apologize "well i wouldn't want you to get sick." joshua fired back. dang he's gotta point. "come on please!" jeonghan whined. i gave in and got in the passenger seat.

he started driving away and i started to shake. "jeonghan, get my sweater, it's beside you." he told jeonghan. jeonghan gave it to me with a smile and i smiled back, thanking him. i put it on and i instantly got warmer. i smiled as i smelt the sweet smell of joshua, the sweater smelling of strawberrys and oranges.

"buckle up little one, cause we're going to have lots of fun."

an: i knOW ITS A HANSOL BOOK BUT STAY WITH ME MY DEAR FRIENDS, HANSOL AND THE OTHER BOYS ARE COMING IN SOON