Shades of Blue [h.v.c]

chapter 20

chapter twenty
midnight blue

december 4 2017

"roslyn!" jihoon smiled and ran towards me. "we missed you on friday! what happened to your face?" he asked me. "people at school, it's no big deal, i'm not letting the people at school break me down." i smiled a bit.

jeonghan walked in and saw my face. "rose... your lips are all cracked, your bags are huge and dark, your skin is so pale, have you gotten skinny?" he panicked, grabbing my hand. "you haven't been eating have you? are your night terrors back? sleep paralysis?" he asked again, bringing me into a hug. "jeonghan i'm fine. trust me." i assure him and he nods.

"sit beside me." he smiled and took a seat. i sat beside him and madelaine sat on the other side of me, of course, she also sat beside wonwoo. "alright kids, let's start the session." john smiled as people took their seats. "no sign of hansol again?" john asked and we all stayed silent.

"okay, well i see that some of you are parting ways in friendship and are slowly becoming sad again i guess, so, let's start back to the beginning. let's go around the circle and tell each other what shade of blue they are feeling today." he smiled and started off with mingyu.

i tune everything out, not wanting to pay attention to anything but my feet. i think about the second session, that first session that hansol went to. the way he looked at me, it looked like he was falling in love like in the movies.

"hansol?" i hear seungkwan say in a confused tone. i look up and see hansol but he wasn't alone. he was standing there, hand in hand, with another girl.

and she was absolutely stunning.

her skin a beautiful brown colour, brown hair, big brown eyes, prefect lips, a perfect nose, amazing body. she was just over all perfect. "hansol, we've missed you." john smiled "and who's this with you?" he asked "this is amelia, my girlfriend."

girlfriend.

i felt like i've been punched in the face again. i feel like he just ripped out my heart and threw it on the ground and is continuously stomping on it till it finally breaks.

as if a timer went off everyone looked at me to see if i was okay. i wasn't. jeonghan grabbed my hand to keep me calm and collected until the session was over.

"welcome amelia, come join us." john smiled. hansol offered her his usual seat and went to go get another chair to sit beside her and seungkwan. "so tell us your name, age, your story, and what shade of blue you're feeling today."

"i'm amelia, i'm 18," she started, her british accent thick. "i've been depressed for a year and a half. i was raped and after that i was never the same." she shared. poor girl.

the whole time amelia was sharing their hands were intertwined with each other's, her head resting on his shoulder. that's the position we would sit in.

the whole time they sat together though, hansols eyes never left me and my eyes never left him. he looked skinny and pale. he just looked like he was beginning to break while looking at my unhealthy form.

"roslyn, it was your turn before hansol and amelia showed up." john turned my attention away from the beautiful boy. "what shade of blue are you feeling today roslyn?" he asked. it took me a while to think and finally, i had it.

"midnight blue."

i said, my voice cracking in the process, it sounded like i smoked two packs a day. "midnight blue?" john questioned and i nodded. "yep, midnight blue." i say plainly. "midnight blue is the darkest blue there is." he commented. once he said that, jeonghan squeezed my hand. this was breaking his heart more than it was breaking mine. "i know."

"why do you feel that way?" he asked and i shrugged "i just do, i don't know." i lied. i know exactly why i feel this way. it's because of tana and ivy, because of guilt with my mom, guilt with hansol. maybe if jeonghan and i didn't kiss that day, maybe he would've tried to fight for me, and he was going to... but then i kissed someone else.

"can everyone say 'we're here for you roslyn' all together, so we can help her through this tough time?" john asked and everyone instantly agreed. "we're here for you roslyn."

"i'm here for you hazel grace."

i heard over all the voices. everyone instantly looks over to hansol, knowing it was him. i looked at his feet quickly, not wanting to feel embarrassed.

"okay, next?"

-

"how you holding up?" madelaine asked and i shrugged. "i'm okay, it just hurts a little." i say. and by a little, i mean a lot. "midnight blue." jeonghan said, continuing to hold my hand. he hasn't let go since hansol walked in.

"yep, midnight blue." i repeated. "that's not good, are you sure you're okay?" joshua asked "yes joshua, i'm okay." i assured. "promise?" jihoon asked. "yeah promise?" wonwoo asked me and i nodded. "i'm okay." i look over and see jun staring at me. i nodded to tell him i was okay and he nodded back.

i look over and see hansol and amelia leaving the chapel, i couldn't get my eyes off the new perfect couple. "i have a plan." jeonghan announced and pulled me aside. "do you want to get hansol back?" he asked "i don't know? yes?" i questioned. "and you want to be with him right?" he asked and i nodded.

"well, let's make the man jealous! we can fake date and we'll last forever cause duh we're best friends and you can never break up with me." he said and i thought for a second. that's quite genius.

"i'm in but you have to ask me out." i smiled and grabbed my coat. "what? i meant we would already be together." he said as i put on my coat. "i'll be waiting outside baby doll." i teased "i hate you." he groaned but with a slight smile.

i walk outside and see hansol leaning against the wall by himself. he pulls out a pack of cigarettes. he scavenges his pockets for a lighter and cursed to himself under his breath.

i walk over to him and hold the lighter out on my palm. he looks over at me and then down at my palm, he smiles a bit. "thanks." he thanked me as he took the lighter out of my hand. "no worries." i tell him and he lights his cigarette.

"you smoke?" i asked "i used to a lot when sofia died but then i gave it up, i picked it up again. what about you? i didn't know you did it." he said, giving me back my lighter. "i don't, it's for blunts." i tell him and he just nodded "since when?"

"same as you. my mom passed away and i did it in ninth grade to get my mind off her then i gave it up. i just picked it up a couple weeks ago." i explained "where's your girl?" i asked "she went home, her mom came and picked her up. where's your man?" he asked

"i don't have one." i tell him and he raised an eyebrow at me "i see the way jeonghan cares for you and looks at you. he likes you, it's kind of obvious." he said, blowing out the smoke from his mouth. "and you care why?" i asked "i don't, i'm just curious."

ouch.

the door opened and i see jeonghan. "hey." he smiled at me and i smiled back "hi." i said "can i talk to you? alone?" he asked and i nodded. he pulls me away from hansol but not far enough so he couldn't hear us.

"so," he breathed out. "i like you, like a lot. i've liked you since the first day we hung out with joshua and i told joshua to go for you and acted like it didn't bug me but it did. so, roslyn, will you go out with me?" he asked and i smiled.

my friend is a natural

i brought him into a hug. "of course i will, i like you too, jeonghan." i smiled and pulled away. "really?" he smiled cheekily and i nodded. he brought me close and put his lips on mine, i started kissing back, being the actor i am.

we pulled away and turned to see a heart broken hansol. "congrats you two." he smiled sadly. he started to walk away "thanks for letting me use your lighter." he thanked me again while walking away from us.

once he was out of sight we looked at each other and smiled. "phase one is complete." he smiled "now, let's work on phase two."

-

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end of part one!!!! part two coming soon lovelies <3
-K xxx