❝Every day she felt like a monster walking among the innocent, felt as if she were trapped on the other side of a locked door.❞
[prisoner of azkaban, deathly hallows]
[metanoia series, book three]
[minor oc x angelina j...
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( chapter xiv. THE BIG, GREEN MONSTER )
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She liked to think that if the day came where Angelina Johnson spoke to her again she would quip back with something great. She liked to think she would explode in her face and give her a taste of her own medicine, ignore her and continue with her life being yelling at the girl and saying how much she hated her before moving on with a smirk, not caring if Angelina was hurt because of it.
Calypso wanted to think that she could hurt someone she used to care about so much. She wanted to think that she could just go on with her life without them, burn down the bridges that burned her and create a better version of herself in the process. She liked to think that – wanted to. Because that was the strong path, that was the way of moving on and loving yourself, that was the path of not accepting yourself to be comparable to dirt. That was the path where she wasn't letting herself constantly be stepped on, that was the brave way.
Moving on, having the bravery to say goodbye and courage to face a new day, a new sun, was something Calypso wanted to have. It had to be the reason she was placed in Gryffindor. She was supposed to be brave. She was probably supposed to be whining over the fact that she wasn't old enough to put her name in the goblet of fire like Fred and George Weasley. She was probably supposed to not be afraid of it, she was probably supposed to want to face all the challenges that the Tri-Wizard tournament came with, but she didn't. She didn't want to enter the tournament and potentially risk her life and die.
And she felt like such a fucking coward for it. Because Gryffindors weren't supposed to be afraid, they were the house of bravery. She was supposed to be brave because she was a Gryffindor and they were lions and they had so much courage and be brave enough to do anything. Anything. She was supposed to be brave because her parents were, they've always been so brave. Remelda, at the age of seventeen, had enough courage to leave her parents, be disowned, and start her new life. Her Uncle Sirius before that. Her Uncle Regulus had enough courage to steal something (the details were still murky because that was one thing Remelda refused to tell her daughter) from Voldemort and fake his death because of it at age sixteen – sixteen! She would sixteen next year and she wasn't even half as brave as her uncle and she should be.
And her father was a part of the Order, he was brave when faced against those who hated him because of something he had no control over – they hated him because he was a werewolf. He was brave enough to leave his mother when their marriage wasn't working and he didn't love her anymore, at least not in the way you would be with the one you're married to. And her mother was brave enough to let him go even though it hurt.
So she was supposed to be brave. As the byproduct of two very brave people, she was supposed to be. But before her mother was a long line of cowards. Probably. So while her parents were brave, her ancestors probably were not and Calypso was just like them. She wasn't brave. At all. At least, she didn't feel brave.
