❝Every day she felt like a monster walking among the innocent, felt as if she were trapped on the other side of a locked door.❞
[prisoner of azkaban, deathly hallows]
[metanoia series, book three]
[minor oc x angelina j...
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( chapter xxii. EXCUSES, EXCUSES )
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She felt terrible about what she had done. Truly, at the bottom of her heart, she did. Not just at the bottom of her heart, but all of heart. She felt terrible about everything she had done and she knew that she was a terrible person, she knew that what she had done was terrible and that she had completely ruined any chance of a new relationship with Calypso. She knew that. She knew that she had wrecked everything that night when Calypso stared into her eyes with this newfound fury that she had never seen before.
Angelina knew that. And she felt like shit, she knew that she had completely crushed the girl and wrecked everything. That was all she did. She ruined things and hurt people, she hurt Calypso continuously and it seemed like she wouldn't stop. She didn't mean to, it was never any intention of hers to hurt the girl or anyone else, but it was all she did apparently. And it was terrible and she felt like utter shit because of what she had done.
But what was she supposed to do? Say no to Fred when he asked her to the Yule Ball? Let him mope and go alone? Yes, probably. That should've been the answer and she should've turned him down lightly, but she hadn't. She had agreed. Angelina brushed it off for Calypso, she thought the girl would be okay even if Angelina had a date. Calypso didn't actually want to go with her, Angelina had just offered a good solution and excuse to say no to other people who might ask her. That's what she told herself, but it didn't seem that way when Calypso looked at her with such betrayal.
That seemed to be the only thing she was good at. Betraying Calypso. Even when all she wanted was to bring the girl up and continue a good friendship, she ruined everything. She betrayed the girl again and again and treated her like utter trash yet still expected Calypso to be there when Angelina wanted her to be. She expected for the girl to accept everything Angelina sent her way that's what she wanted but that was not reality.
Calypso was better than Angelina. She always had been. She had always been more courageous and didn't fear who she was, she was always so proud to be a Black even with all the scrutiny attached to the name. She stood tall with her head held high as people gossiped about her and whispered that she could be just like her uncle; could turn out just like her uncle. She was brave enough to get past it while Angelina knew she would crumble under their nasty words.
Angelina was not brave. She never had been. It was a wonder she was even placed in Gryffindor with her crippling need to be held in a good light, to be liked by people. To preserve the image she projected onto people. No one could know the truth about her. How she liked girls instead of guys, how she thought of herself before others. God, what a character she was.
It wasn't a good reason at all, it really wasn't, but that was her truth of the situation. She hurt people and she didn't want to. But it happened so regularly because she disregarded others, waved them away with the thought that they would be okay with her terrible decisions. She foolishly wanted them to be, but that was not how reality worked. People were not always okay with what you did to them, and they shouldn't be.
