Repressing Thoughts-J.D

-9-

Disclaimer: none of what I write in this do I claim to be true. For all I know these characters and people I am writing about are the complete opposite of how I portray them. And of course this is all fiction so don't take it literally, I don't know how these people felt about certain things so I'm making it up. Why this chapter? You'll see...

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"It was the summer of 2001..." Brendon was on FaceTime to Pete Wentz. It was certainly a sight. He was trying to recall the drunk history of fall out boy over FaceTime while Pete was out looking after his children. It was an hour after the show and Brendon, Sarah and I were chilling in a dressing room waiting for everyone else to get ready.

"Hey Pete" I waved to the man who was laughing his ass off.

"Hey Sage!" He waved, "what state are you in?"

"Emotionally or geographically?" I asked, he laughed.

"Geographically" he answered.

"We are in Philadelphia" I answered.

"In West Philadelphia born and raised on a playground is where I spent most of my days" Brendon started to sing, he was being loopy.

"Okay I'm leaving" I said to no one in particular.

"Bye Sage!" Pete called. I had only met Pete a few times but he was a nice guy and could make you feel like you had been friends with him forever.

I stood up and walked out of the dressing room, I walked down the hall and turned the corner. Walking towards me was a girl who looked strangely familiar.

"Excuse me do you know where twenty one pilots' dressing room is?" She asked.

"Why?" I asked in the nicest way possible.

"I'm Josh's friend, Debby" she smiled. Debby, Debby, Debby, I had definitely heard that name before.

"Oh, okay then i will take you" I said before walking down the halls towards their dressing room.

"Do you work for them?" She asked, I refused to make eye contact with her as we walked so I just nodded.

"I'm the make up artist but also Brendon's sister" I answered.

"Oh my god you're Sage!" She beamed, I didn't face her but kept walking towards the door. I knocked and then entered. Josh was walking around while Tyler did up his shoelaces. They both looked up and grinned towards me, Josh started to walk towards me with a smile on his face but I didn't move from behind the door.

"Josh you have a visitor" I said quietly, he gave me a funny look before Debby bursted in through the door and ran towards Josh.

"Debby!" He exclaimed, he looked happy and shocked which I guess is what someone looks like when they are surprised. I looked at Tyler who was just staring at me as if I were about to break down.

"I came to surprise you, what are you doing tonight we need to catch up" She insisted, Josh looked stunned to the point I felt awkward being there. I left the room to find Jenna walking towards me.

"Hey is everyone ready to go out?" She asked.

"Well we might have one more, Debby's just turned up" I informed her.

"Josh's ex?" She asked as if she was worried. My heart sunk, this girl was Josh's ex? I took in a deep breathe and nodded.

"I guess so" I breathed, she gave me the same look Tyler did.

"Are you okay?" She asked, I nodded.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked.

"I don't know I mean everyone's been noticing you and Josh getting close and if that's true then this has to be weird for you." She explained. "To be honest, it's a little weird for all of us when they hang out. Debby broke Josh's heart and now they are just fine" She sympathised. The door burst open and Debby walked out, she saw Jenna and squealed, she pulled her into a hug as she repeated how much she missed her.

"Are we still going out?" Tyler asked and stood next to me.

"Yeah pretty sure, ask Sarah to be exact" I replied. I made eye contact with Josh who looked worried before walking back down the halls towards the hair and makeup room.

"Lil?" I called out, she was staring into the mirror applying lipstick as I slammed the door.

"Hey, what's up" she sounded happy.

"Josh's ex is here and they are still friends and I think I'm fine with it but I'm not sure and I don't know why I might not be fine with it because I've never felt this feeling before that I'm feeling right now because something like this has never happened to me and I'm not sure that I want to go out tonight anymore because I feel quite sick but then again what if that's just how this situation is making me feel then I'm a wimp but also why is it making me feel like this" I rushed, her eyes widened as she took in all of my words.

"Okay" she said calmly. "Sage I hate to tell you this but I think you might like Josh. Seeing him with someone you know he had feelings for in the past is going to be hard on anyone who feels how you feel" she explained, I nodded but I felt like I wanted to throw up. Why did I feel like this?

"Sage, Lillie, we are leaving in a minute are you coming?" Tyler popped his head through the door.

"Yeah we are coming" I called back to him but instantly regretted it. "I don't know if I can watch them all night"

"The minute you feel uneasy, pinch me or hit me or make me aware and we will go straight back to the hotel" she solved, i nodded before taking her hand and parading out of our room.

We had to get two cars since having Debby meant we couldn't fit everyone in the van. Lillie and I went in the second car, she held onto me tightly all the way there. I was anxious about going to a club, I've never been to one before and mass amounts of people makes me nervous.

"Hey Tyler, are you okay" I asked as we got out the car, I knew Tyler was having the same thoughts as I was.

"We have our own section, we are going to be fine" he shrugged.

It was not fine, Jenna and Tyler went home after it got too much for them. Lillie was watching me like a hawk all night while I sat down seemingly bored. Josh, Brendon, Sarah and Debby danced all night and seemed to have fun which was great. Eventually I told Lillie I was going outside to get some air when I could physically feel the sweat dripping on my face.

I stood outside until I felt a hand on my arm, Josh had come out to see me.