Repressing Thoughts-J.D

-11-

I didn't know how to act around Josh anymore, not that I ever new in the first place but this time was different. The only sort of communication we had was when I would do his makeup or if Debby tried to speak to me and him at the same time. She had been on tour with us for a week and was extending her stay longer every day.

"Hey" he greeted me as he sat down at my dressing table.

"Close your eyes" I instructed and he did so. Debby walked in shortly after wards with Jenna.

"Did you go to beauty school Sage?" She asked.

"Yeah I got my degree" I answered, Josh watched her as she watched me make him look pretty.

"You have to do my makeup sometime" she suggested, I nodded not taking my eyes off of Josh.

"Yeah sure, anytime" I smiled in her direction, she went to sit down next to Jenna and Tyler.

"You are incapable of being rude to anyone aren't you" Josh smiled at me but I did not return it.

"I was rude to you the other night" i proved him wrong, he rolled his eyes.

"You were not rude, you were-"

"You're done" I cut him off, he let out a chuckle.

"That was rude" he laughed, I couldn't help but smile as he climbed off the stool. He was inches from my face and smiling down at me.

"Tyler your turn" I called, not breaking eye contact with Josh. Josh smirked at me before walking over to the couch. Tyler took his place in the chair while I covered the sponge in the black makeup.

"How you doing?" Tyler asked, I gave him a quick smile.

"I'm good, you?" I replied, he held my hand before I could apply any makeup.

"No seriously, are you alright?" He asked, I put my hand down.

"Josh told you" I sighed, I wondered whether anyone could hear us but the foo fighters that Josh was playing was way too loud for anyone to hear us.

"We are kind of best friends" He sassed, I nodded as I started to paint his neck.

"I figured he would tell you" I sighed.

"Look, I love Josh, you know this but he can be a bit slow sometimes" he confessed, I laughed at his insult. "Promise me one thing Sage" he demanded.

"What?" I asked, I continued to paint his neck.

"Don't give up on him, he will come around" he advised, I pretended not to know what he was talking about.

"Come around to what?" I asked, he raised his eyebrows and shook his head.

"I'm friends with idiots" he muttered, I laughed at his remark.

Later on I went backstage to make sure that everything was okay but I ran straight into Debby.

"Hey are you okay?" I asked, she looked worried so I mirrored her expression.

"Tyler's not here and Josh is freaking out, he's not listening to me. I need Tyler" I started to panic, Josh must've been nervous about the show.

"You go and find Tyler, where is Josh?" I asked, she pointed to a door which lead to Josh and Tyler's dressing room. I jogged towards it and opened the door, Josh was pacing up and down in the room.

"Hey" I said, he stopped pacing and looked at me. His face was all scrunched up with stress, his fists were clenched and he was breathing quickly.

"Where did Debby go?" He asked, my heart sunk as he obviously wanted her instead of me.

"She's gone to get Tyler, I will go if you don't-" I was cut off by Josh throwing his arms around me, I felt the stress in his body release as he relaxed into me. I pushed his head onto my shoulder and stroked his head.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled, I shook my head.

"For what? Why are you freaking out Josh, you are an amazing drummer and your going to kill it tonight" I complimented in his ear, he pulled out from the hug. He looked as if he was trying to say something, he gave me a look as if I had completely missed what he was trying to say but in the end he just sighed.

"There's just a huge crowd out there...and they haven't even come to see us they came for Panic" he stressed, I shook my head.

"You have so many fans Josh!" I encouraged.

"We are just here to set everyone's standards low so Panic look extraordinary not that they need it but it helps sometimes" he rambled.

"Josh!" I bursted and he stopped. "Are you even listening to yourself?" I asked, he shook his head.

"I'm so sorry Sage" He let a deep breath out.

"Josh stop apologising to me, you are an amazing drummer and you are going to prove that to everyone out there who already loves you okay?" He looked disappointed, he just stood there and nodded.

"Why do you always save me?" He asked, I laughed and shook my head. Before I could say anything else, Debby and Tyler came into the room.

"Josh are you okay?" She asked, she ran up to him and hugged him tight. "You seem calmer, are you calmer?" She rushed, he nodded his head not taking his eyes away from me.

"I'm calmer, can I just talk to Tyler for a minute?" He asked her, she nodded. She turned around, grabbing my arm and leading me away from the dressing room.

"I don't know what you did but thank you" she breathed as we walked away.

"He stresses about people liking him, I can relate" I laughed but she didn't laugh with me instead she just stood there.

"He's told me lots about you Sage, he thinks a lot of you and I can see why. You calm him down the way only Tyler can" she complimented.

"Well we've had a lot of time to get to know each other these past months..." I tried to think of why he would think so highly of me.

"I dated him for a year, I would always have to get Tyler whenever he freaked out. It scared me you know, he would be fine one minute and then suddenly he would be spurting out words like a mad man" she stressed, I shrugged.

"It's a natural thing in a job like this, I'm sure you can relate" I tried to make her feel better.

"I get nervous sure but never like that. Ugh, I'm going back to the bus for a lie down, tell Josh for me yeah?" she asked, I nodded rapidly before she walked down the halls. I turned to my left and saw Lillie standing there looking happy.

"What?" I asked.

"She's freaking out because she can tell that you and Josh have something she and him will never have" she smiled.

"Lillie, one that's insane and two that's a horrible thing to be happy about" I scolded her.

"Aw you are going to have beautiful children" she giggled as she hugged me, I refused to hug her back.

"You're a horrible human being" I insulted her but she didn't care as she was hugging me too tightly.